Sobriety Series: 3 Surprising Changes Since Getting Sober
Also get this month’s link-up of powerful, provocative reads
If you’re new to Sober Soulful, welcome! The Sobriety Series includes a letter with support for quitting a thing (whether substance or behavior), plus a link-up of provocative listens and reads. Access is a perk for paying subscribers. You can upgrade your subscription for full access here:
Dearest Reader,
I’ve been thinking a lot about change lately—in no small part because of our move to Thailand and because, when I lived here two decades ago, I was a much different person.
The first go-round in Chiang Mai, I was in my twenties and not only not sober, but hooked on courting chaos, getting myself into one harmful situation after the next, and pursuing relationships with older men in positions of power.
This time around, having moved back at age 49, I’m four-plus years sober, I crave calm, not chaos, and I’m married to a caring, considerate, emotionally available partner. Instead of wandering the streets after dark, I look forward to my evening routine of eating dinner, meditating, and laying in bed with my partner and cats. My nighttime vice? Staying up too late devouring whatever novel I’m reading (currently Book 3 of the Dune series).
Sounds boring, I know! And way less intriguing than the trouble I used to get up to. But the wild thing is, I’m not bored at all—I’m so much happier now. And so much more at ease, and so much more inspired and excited by life. When I lived in Thailand before—drinking too much and addicted to the wrong kinds of relationships—I was not only not happy, but in the depths of loneliness, depression, and deep, dark despair.
Sometimes, what seems liberated and edgy from the outside is a prison and hellscape within. Sometimes, what sounds boring on paper brings peace, joy, and serenity.
Anyway, since the difference between then and now feels so alive for me lately, I thought I’d share some thoughts around what changes in sobriety—and what else changes when we change (including three things that surprised me).
Below, you’ll also find the October link-up, featuring (always compelling, often provocative) explorations of:
Sober fatherhood
Sober motherhood
Sober travel and the community contained in a six-month chip
Why we should stop asking people to justify their decision to stop drinking
The insatiability of consumption culture and compulsion to numb out
Getting canceled, thinking for ourselves, offering grace
Grievance porn, emptiness, desperation for more
Beauty and belonging, sameness and difference
