How to Have Hard Conversations, Draw Boundaries & Save the Only Life You Can Save
Step-by-step guidance (plus scripts!) for asking someone to not talk about something painful around you, a guided audio meditation, February links, all my love.
Dearest Reader,
One week from today, I’ll be four years sober. I know I keep mentioning it…but that’s because I can barely believe it!
On the one hand, my nightly habit of drinking wine with dinner—a habit that I loved and hated and that was profoundly hurting me—seems so distant. On the other, I can’t fathom how I’ve gone almost four years without so much as a sip.
I once thought that impossible. Or, if not impossible, I was sure it’d be miserable. (Turns out, it’s neither.)
So, if you’re just starting out on your journey…or have been here a while but it still feels fraught…or you’re simply taking a closer look at your relationship to any substance, behaviour, or pattern…
Hang in there. I believe in you. I believe that we each hold more capacity, resilience, and potential for joy than most of us realize. You were born with it. You still have it.
To ease the way, this month’s edition of the Early Sobriety series includes:
Downloadable guidance (plus sample scripts) that I typed up for a loved one who’s going through a tough time and gearing up for a hard conversation: The details don’t matter (and I’ve X’ed them out so you can fill in your own). The gist is: She wants to ask someone important in her life to please not talk about something around her or to talk about it less or differently. There’s no “bad guy” in this scenario—everyone involved loves each other deeply (which makes it tricky but also offers tremendous opportunity for healing). You could apply these suggestions and scripts to anything you don’t wish to discuss right now or don’t wish to discuss with a particular person (alcohol and drinking, a breakup or heartbreak, your body or health, your relationship or divorce, fertility or parenting, world events or politics, etc.).
A guided audio meditation and accompanying handout: This month’s “meditation” comes in the form of a short audio recording of me reading one of my favourite poems. I’ve also included a downloadable handout with accompanying questions. It’s a call to be courageous, draw a line when needed, and save the only life you can save.
Links that I hope will expand, inspire, and help us feel less alone: This month’s links include three things to listen to and a handful of reads. I’ve also pulled comments from Substack readers/writers and encourage you to click through and check out their newsletters!
An invitation to join us in the comments here and in an exclusive Chat on financial sobriety: Rather than write the usual AMA this month, I’m planning a collaborative piece weaving together your beautiful questions, reflections, and shares about money. Some of these will come from an exclusive Chat thread for paying subscribers—details below.
Closing thoughts on surrender, feeling scared and doing it anyway, and the magic and medicine awaiting you.