A slow letter from the Thai countryside

What’s been on my heart

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Dearest Reader,

After the intensity of last week’s letter and the TCM Deep Dive on the Lung that followed, I thought I’d offer both of us a breather before heading into another big one this Friday—on the Kidneys and the place within us that keeps going even when we fear we cannot.

If you’re newer to PERFECT HUNGER, I started this My Soulful Life series nearly two years ago, when my partner Randy and I moved from Canada to Thailand with our two Siamese cats. Once or twice a month, I share these more personal letters, along with a glimpse of what’s nourishing me, what I’m hungry for, and an invitation to share yours in the comments.

Today’s letter is a little off the cuff—written from my porch in the countryside, rambling through some simple life updates in the way I might with friends and family (and some of you are friends and family).

On the whole, things are good.

I have been wrestling with whether to stay in the group I mentioned last week. What I shared was only the tiniest glimpse of what’s unfolding, and it’s been taking up space in my heart.

At the same time, I don’t feel comfortable discussing it in any real detail. I’m still in the midst of processing what’s happening, and sharing more feels like it crosses a line.

Randy has been supporting me beautifully, listening without trying to “fix.” And conversations with my dear friend Steve have been deeply clarifying and anchoring. He knows me so well and brings the perspective of someone who’s been through something similar.

All to say, it’s times like these when I realize just how lucky I am to have my partner and wise, steady friends in my life.

In other news, I turn 51 next week. It’s unbelievable.

Each day I wake up full of gratitude and awe that we live here: the birdsongs, the tropical greenness, the melodic chanting from the Buddhist temple next door, the spaciousness of life in the northern Thai countryside, the sense of aliveness.

At least several times a week, Randy and I look at each other—midday, or while stretching on the porch in the evening, listening to insects, geckos, and frogs—and say something like, “Can you believe this is our life now?”

It really is sweet, and I hope the remembrance and reverence I feel stay close to the surface. I never want to take these blessings for granted, or forget the way the universe responds when we step beyond what’s expected and try something different.

The cats are loving it, too, and our temple cat Tucker—who adopted us last November—remains a source of joy and youthful, chaotic exuberance.

He’s been coming inside more and more (under close supervision), and it’s been fascinating to watch the dynamics between him and our much older, much smaller, impossibly dainty Siamese girls evolve.

LingXu, the older of the two, grunts at him and shows zero fear—even when he rushes her, sliding to a halt at her feet, then plopping down in a submissive sprawl.

Meanwhile, my ridiculously vocal and spoiled princess, LingDao, takes it upon herself to deliver a sharp bap, bap, bap, a series of right hooks, any time he gets in her space.

Mind you, he’s an enormous ginger with massive paws and very real fangs, basically raised in the wild. They, on the other hand, have been impossibly pampered since birth and are maybe a third of his size.

Yet somehow, LingXu and LingDao are in charge—of Tucker, and me and Randy.

Their playful energy has been a natural boost as my caffeine-free year continues. The transition has been surprisingly smooth, with no big upheavals. I still have dark chocolate, so I’m not completely off caffeine, but stepping away from coffee and tea has been life-changing.

I truly feel far less anxiety. While I’d like to say a deep calm settled in, that was most noticeable in the first week or two. Now my energy, creativity, and focus feel similar to before, just without the underlying tension or the panicky, obsessive thought loops that’d been getting worse.

I don’t miss them.

I also feel relieved that coffee wasn’t actually required to keep up with my projects, routines, and usual rhythms. Alongside work, I’ve continued with my daily yoga practice, ACIM and Theravada Buddhist studies, and Thai studies, including twice-weekly lessons.

Lately, my Thai teacher has been bringing short reading selections for me to work through—reading aloud, answering questions, discussing the material, and writing my own sentences, all while learning new vocabulary and grammar. This week’s passage is about caring for both mind and body, cultivating holistic health.

When I think back to where I started when we first moved here and how far I’ve come, I feel so happy.

From this week’s reading

I’ve also been immersed in creating the TCM Deep Dive editions each week, and have been loving the process, along with the generous feedback.

Once we complete this current series on the organs of Chinese Medicine and how they shape our body-mind-spirit, the next multi-week exploration will move into the seven emotions in greater depth.

It’s been deeply fulfilling to flesh out the paid offerings here at PERFECT HUNGER, and I’m starting to sense where this could lead—perhaps even into a more comprehensive TCM Foundations course down the line.

Look for the deep dive on the Kidneys this Friday, and next Wednesday’s edition of The Practice, exploring seasonal eating for spring.

For now, as is tradition in this series, I’ll leave you with what’s nourishing me and what I’m hungry for.

Mae Rim, northern Thailand, close to our home

WHAT’S NOURISHING ME

Big rains, all the purrs. Last week we had our first real rain in months, a sign that rainy season is on its way here in Thailand. It started in the early morning. We woke before dawn to let Tucker inside.

I had an online meeting through the Sati Center for Buddhist Studies at 5 a.m., but Randy took Tucker back to bed with him. And a first: Tucker actually settled down. Instead of tearing around the house chasing our Siamese sweeties, he curled up next to Randy and slept.

As they dozed upstairs, my Siamese girls took turns in my lap. In the meeting, listening to my teacher Gil as the rain pounded outside, I felt deeply nourished and grateful.

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WHAT I’M HUNGRY FOR

Hugs from my parents and sisters. I had plane tickets to visit my family in the States this April—my first time traveling to see them there in a decade. My layovers were in Istanbul and Abu Dhabi. The trip won’t be happening as planned. I want to hold my family so badly.

I stand for peace.

I’d love to hear yours.

Part of what excites me about writing these letters is hearing about your lives—what’s supporting you, what you want more of in the days and weeks ahead.

With that in mind, I’d love to hear:

• What’s nourishing your body, mind, spirit?

• What are you hungry for?

• What’s on your heart?

If this resonated, a small heart ❤️ helps these letters find their way.

Thank you, with love,
Dana

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We’re currently exploring the organs and the body-mind-spirit patterns they shape.