PERFECT HUNGER Link-Up: Provocations. Obsessions. Nourishment.
Emotional perfectionism, cannabis addiction, seaweed-spiked bone broth, my bedtime routine, and more!
The PERFECT HUNGER Link-Up is my curated collection of what’s consuming me lately, featuring provocative listens and reads, latest obsessions, and the occasional rabbit hole. For the full feast, upgrade your subscription here:
Dearest Reader,
First and foremost, THANK YOU. I was truly blown away by all the support, encouragement, and (alcohol-free) cheers you poured into the comments on my name change announcement. You guys! I can’t even put into words how much your response means to me. Thank you—now I’m over here teary-eyed. ❤️
I’m writing to you from Cha-am, a sleepy beach town in Thailand where I’m spending the week in silence and solitude. Things haven’t gone quite as planned… but I’ll catch you up on that next week, in the My Soulful Life series. I’ll also fill you in on my first earthquake (which happened on my 50th birthday, no less).
But for today?
Welcome to the very first PERFECT HUNGER Link-Up! This is where I’ll share what’s consuming me lately—think provocative listens, obsessive reads, and the occasional beautiful rabbit hole. Up ahead:
The tyranny of emotional perfectionism
The case for relationship sabbaticals
The enshittification of discourse
When self-care becomes avoidance
Cannabis addiction’s quiet creep
8 ways to slow drinking, 9 to quit, 5 brutal truths
Digital minimalism’s quiet cool
Collagen broth with double seaweed infusion
Spring congee with wild garlic and artichokes
Bedtime rituals for the chronically wired
The first three entries this month are on the house. For the full feast (plus The Practice, My Soulful Life, and everything else PERFECT HUNGER offers), upgrade your subscription here:
Mental Wellness, Relationships, Ethics
Oof. Laura McKowen’s recent essay title hit me like a gong at midnight. I’ve been tangled in something similar—not quite what she describes, but close. The night before leaving for Cha-am, I burst into spontaneous tears and explained to my partner Randy:
“It’s like I’ve taken my perfectionist, obsessive-compulsive patterns and applied them to every online and email interaction—agonizing over every word I’ve written, filtering it all through my Buddhist ethics of non-harming.* Which, in theory, could be a really great thing. But this inner critic? Ruthless. And I keep failing standards I’d never demand of others, only myself.”
I could write a whole essay on this (and might). For now, go read Laura’s piece—it’s beautiful, insightful, and feels like an exhale.
*If you’ve gotten an apology email from me lately that sounded a little (or a lot) neurotic, now you know.
Dr. Vicki’s essay on temporary relationship sabbaticals, solitude, and sovereignty spoke to my body, mind, soul.
These days, Randy and I spend much of our time together and truly love being together—I miss him so much, here in Cha-am. Yet... that constant buzz of hypervigilance? The undercurrent of anxiety? It only quiets when I’m completely alone. (With the exception of cats—they’re on my same wavelength.) In solitude, I reconnect not just with myself, but with something greater—Nature, God, Source, the Divine, whatever name fits. Here, my perspective widens, obsessions dissolve, deeper knowing arises.
As Vicki so eloquently captures:
“We can call this anxious or avoidant attachment styles. We can call it introversion or extroversion. But on a more simplistic level, I see it as a question of where our nervous system feels most settled. Where does the noise of hypervigilance become quiet?” —Dr. Vicki Connop
THE ENSHITTIFICATION OF DISCOURSE.
Laura Kennedy’s writing is masterful and her message is one I want to scream from the rooftops. As many of you know, Buddhist ethics—especially non-harming—have been my anchor and compass for more than two decades. I’m not saying this is the only valid framework—not at all. But the absence of a clear, unwavering ethical code among so many today? It deeply disturbs me. This is a big topic; I have much more to say. But for now:
“If you hold a principle, then hold it. There is no setting it down when it feels heavy, or explaining why breaching it in one instance really strengthens it in another. There is no hiding it when it ceases to benefit you in the short term. Hold the principle and carry it with you. Without cruelty or righteous pomposity or shortcuts or being light with the truth. We desperately need people with principles to live by them. Even when it is thankless, challenging or feels like swimming against a choking riptide of hypocrisy and terrible ideas. The alternative is consensual enshittification.” —Laura Kennedy