Hi Dana. I am with you that those who leave online hate are unhappy in their own lives. And that is their punishment.
I also blame the '90s and Jerry Springer, lol. I have been loosely holding a theory that politics is approximately 30 years behind the current national mood. That gives us Jerry Springer-style rhetoric and behavior now in politics...which informs the news cycle...which influences public discourse...which trickles out into interpersonal exchanges...which returns to fuel political discourse as politicians are incentivized to mimic and amplify their constituent attitudes (well, those who are financially able and enfranchised to vote).
All of this to say, YOU are planting HEALTHFUL SEEDS of introspection and thoughtfulness and minimalism and freedom from addictions. The torrent of wind-whipping, vehicle honking, siren sounding, utter chaos in the internet streets cannot stop the microgreen growth from the tiny seeds you are planting in our internet landscape. Always bet on green. :)
I do not write many comments unless I feel moved shortly after finishing whatever it is. If I need to stop and think, start plotting, as though I were writing a short story or novel ... nope, sorry. Some of that comes from how limited my time is and, therefore, valuable. Some of it also comes from the importance of authenticity and spontaneity. Without the latter, I might as well leave it to some chatbot to write comments under my name.
I wield the mute and block buttons early and often. Commenting is a good way to build engagement as a writer but if it's not doing that then I don't want to deal with it
Dana, so relatable! The first time hate comments happened to me (you see how passive that is?) I was completely surprised, couldn't understand what I'd written that precipitated them. In the end, it was clear (followers of a celebrity didn't like what I'd written about her) but the name-calling! The vitriol! And my initial unrelenting curiosity to read every hateful word! Anyway, I hope you'll continue to focus on the loving responses, which are, in my experience, far...truer. xo
I was just talking with a friend about this today! I remember when I first started taking writing online seriously, I wrote a piece about the pain of living abroad for a publication and they shared it to their Facebook page. I made the mistake of going to the Facebook post to read what was being said and was quickly reminded of how mean people could be. I've never forgotten that experience. After seeing the mean comments, I couldn't stop going back to see what new mean comments would show up day after day—it consumed me. I never responded, but I secretly got lost in reading them and it felt so bad, but I couldn't stop. I was really proud of the article, and reading the comments made me feel ashamed for even submitting it. These days I think my skin is thicker, because now I see it much like you and realize the comments people make are a reflection of them, not me. I actually went back to read my article recently (not the comments) and I think it's still one of my favourites. Thank you for sharing your experience, Dana.
I haven’t had hate comments yet, and would probably run away if I did, I don’t want anyone to gain entry to what’s going on in my heart. I thought this was such a great piece of writing, I love the way you are so beautifully honest. I like authentic comments that encourage me to continue with what I’m doing. I would love people to join in and talk about the ordinary joys of their lives or ask questions, I’m not sure why, mostly, they don’t. And that’s okay too 🌻
Gosh Dana, reading your experiences of online hate left me feeling nauseous. This is the ugly side of humanity for sure. And yes, I can relate to that experience of it being quite compelling to watch and read - like not being able to look away from a car crash. My own worst experiences have been on my local community Facebook page, which sadly now I'm very hesitant to comment on at all (though do still read, if only to stay aware of what's going down around me). I'm continually surprised by how little this seems to happen on Substack and hoping it stays that way for as long as possible, though I fear the tide may turn at some point....
No—sobriety doesn’t give us protection—except from the chemicals that we were so inclined to kill ourselves with. Otherwise we have to feel—and that feels very vulnerable. Oof—another lesson learned. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve had enough. 🙄
Ever been to a river, or mountain, or otherness that makes you catch your breath. That deflates your ego and makes it irrelevant, so much so that you can't even remember it existing. That same difference between yourself and such a force can be carried over into what is called everyday life. It's not a buffer or suppression. It's re-living of the found wild inside of you that makes your living so real that hatred doesn't know what to do with it. It's difficult to find such forces of nature these days. But they're still there. Sacrifice to find them, it's worth it. And then defend them, because it's the only real life we have left.
Dana, all I can offer is this: there is nothing in any of that sewage that has to do with you. NOTHING. If there is any wisdom in self-reflection, it's that when we speak hate to someone else the only person we're hating is ourselves. Their pain isn't about you. It's about themselves. When they try to destroy you or anyone else, they are trying to destroy themselves. And at some powerful level, they know it too, as do we. You will die a slow horrible emotional death if you take such things personally. And yes, that stuff is hard to read. But that's their journey. Not yours. And you are under no compunction to be their whipping post. There is great grace in offering mercy to people who are in such pain that they would wound others, but far greater mercy, which you most assuredly deserve as do we all, in setting guard rails to not let such barbs wound you. These are people looking for someone to blame for their pain when the source is in the bathroom mirror. Again, as it is for us all.
Hi Dana! As usual… LOVED this and relate to SO much of it. For me, in addition to hate, there’s more that gets under my skin… and people seem to do it with EVERY article you write (and everywhere else too)…. They can’t follow simple instructions. I find it so disrespectful! You clearly write “ Just please keep your shares about you and your experience. No unsolicited advice, please—and definitely no hate comments!”
How hard is it to honor that request. So many of the comments I read here are lovely, but there’s always one or two “holier than thou” folks who think they need to advise you how to navigate your shit.
For me, hate comments are one thing, but what’s even more insidious and violent are the comments that pretend to be supportive, but by ignoring your clear requests to not give unsolicited advice, it’s actually a stealth attack, meant to fly under the radar, disguised in what looks like friendliness, but is dripping with disdain and contempt. These, for me, are actually far worse, for they are meant to disarm you, make you feel safe. Frankly, I’d rather have the hate - at least those people are showing me who they are. The contemptuous stealthy advice givers make my blood boil.
Article bookmarked so hopefully I'll read this again 😉. My instant reaction was that I would leave a one word comment like "preach" but this is the whole sermon you've written so it deserves something more considered than preach but then again I'm not female and I get the occasional troll on twitter but I see it happens all the time to women I read and agree and disagree with and it looks really really grim. Anyway. Keep preaching ❤️
Hi Dana. I am with you that those who leave online hate are unhappy in their own lives. And that is their punishment.
I also blame the '90s and Jerry Springer, lol. I have been loosely holding a theory that politics is approximately 30 years behind the current national mood. That gives us Jerry Springer-style rhetoric and behavior now in politics...which informs the news cycle...which influences public discourse...which trickles out into interpersonal exchanges...which returns to fuel political discourse as politicians are incentivized to mimic and amplify their constituent attitudes (well, those who are financially able and enfranchised to vote).
All of this to say, YOU are planting HEALTHFUL SEEDS of introspection and thoughtfulness and minimalism and freedom from addictions. The torrent of wind-whipping, vehicle honking, siren sounding, utter chaos in the internet streets cannot stop the microgreen growth from the tiny seeds you are planting in our internet landscape. Always bet on green. :)
This really sucks! I feel better now.. 😊 thanks for the great article. I can relate. I get pulled in at times.
My Love peels another layer of the addictive patterning away in this one! Again revealing a raw glimpse into her, and our, Wound.
Thank you for the reflection, Dana.
I do not write many comments unless I feel moved shortly after finishing whatever it is. If I need to stop and think, start plotting, as though I were writing a short story or novel ... nope, sorry. Some of that comes from how limited my time is and, therefore, valuable. Some of it also comes from the importance of authenticity and spontaneity. Without the latter, I might as well leave it to some chatbot to write comments under my name.
I will definitely re-read this. Good stuff in this juicy essay.
Reading your writing is always an uplifting, positive experienc for me, period. I wish you everything positive that you wish for yourself.
Really! Sincere thanks🙏🏽
I wield the mute and block buttons early and often. Commenting is a good way to build engagement as a writer but if it's not doing that then I don't want to deal with it
Dana, so relatable! The first time hate comments happened to me (you see how passive that is?) I was completely surprised, couldn't understand what I'd written that precipitated them. In the end, it was clear (followers of a celebrity didn't like what I'd written about her) but the name-calling! The vitriol! And my initial unrelenting curiosity to read every hateful word! Anyway, I hope you'll continue to focus on the loving responses, which are, in my experience, far...truer. xo
I was just talking with a friend about this today! I remember when I first started taking writing online seriously, I wrote a piece about the pain of living abroad for a publication and they shared it to their Facebook page. I made the mistake of going to the Facebook post to read what was being said and was quickly reminded of how mean people could be. I've never forgotten that experience. After seeing the mean comments, I couldn't stop going back to see what new mean comments would show up day after day—it consumed me. I never responded, but I secretly got lost in reading them and it felt so bad, but I couldn't stop. I was really proud of the article, and reading the comments made me feel ashamed for even submitting it. These days I think my skin is thicker, because now I see it much like you and realize the comments people make are a reflection of them, not me. I actually went back to read my article recently (not the comments) and I think it's still one of my favourites. Thank you for sharing your experience, Dana.
Those kind of people are never worth engaging with, online or in real life.
I haven’t had hate comments yet, and would probably run away if I did, I don’t want anyone to gain entry to what’s going on in my heart. I thought this was such a great piece of writing, I love the way you are so beautifully honest. I like authentic comments that encourage me to continue with what I’m doing. I would love people to join in and talk about the ordinary joys of their lives or ask questions, I’m not sure why, mostly, they don’t. And that’s okay too 🌻
Gosh Dana, reading your experiences of online hate left me feeling nauseous. This is the ugly side of humanity for sure. And yes, I can relate to that experience of it being quite compelling to watch and read - like not being able to look away from a car crash. My own worst experiences have been on my local community Facebook page, which sadly now I'm very hesitant to comment on at all (though do still read, if only to stay aware of what's going down around me). I'm continually surprised by how little this seems to happen on Substack and hoping it stays that way for as long as possible, though I fear the tide may turn at some point....
No—sobriety doesn’t give us protection—except from the chemicals that we were so inclined to kill ourselves with. Otherwise we have to feel—and that feels very vulnerable. Oof—another lesson learned. Sometimes I feel as if I’ve had enough. 🙄
Ever been to a river, or mountain, or otherness that makes you catch your breath. That deflates your ego and makes it irrelevant, so much so that you can't even remember it existing. That same difference between yourself and such a force can be carried over into what is called everyday life. It's not a buffer or suppression. It's re-living of the found wild inside of you that makes your living so real that hatred doesn't know what to do with it. It's difficult to find such forces of nature these days. But they're still there. Sacrifice to find them, it's worth it. And then defend them, because it's the only real life we have left.
Dana, all I can offer is this: there is nothing in any of that sewage that has to do with you. NOTHING. If there is any wisdom in self-reflection, it's that when we speak hate to someone else the only person we're hating is ourselves. Their pain isn't about you. It's about themselves. When they try to destroy you or anyone else, they are trying to destroy themselves. And at some powerful level, they know it too, as do we. You will die a slow horrible emotional death if you take such things personally. And yes, that stuff is hard to read. But that's their journey. Not yours. And you are under no compunction to be their whipping post. There is great grace in offering mercy to people who are in such pain that they would wound others, but far greater mercy, which you most assuredly deserve as do we all, in setting guard rails to not let such barbs wound you. These are people looking for someone to blame for their pain when the source is in the bathroom mirror. Again, as it is for us all.
Hi Dana! As usual… LOVED this and relate to SO much of it. For me, in addition to hate, there’s more that gets under my skin… and people seem to do it with EVERY article you write (and everywhere else too)…. They can’t follow simple instructions. I find it so disrespectful! You clearly write “ Just please keep your shares about you and your experience. No unsolicited advice, please—and definitely no hate comments!”
How hard is it to honor that request. So many of the comments I read here are lovely, but there’s always one or two “holier than thou” folks who think they need to advise you how to navigate your shit.
For me, hate comments are one thing, but what’s even more insidious and violent are the comments that pretend to be supportive, but by ignoring your clear requests to not give unsolicited advice, it’s actually a stealth attack, meant to fly under the radar, disguised in what looks like friendliness, but is dripping with disdain and contempt. These, for me, are actually far worse, for they are meant to disarm you, make you feel safe. Frankly, I’d rather have the hate - at least those people are showing me who they are. The contemptuous stealthy advice givers make my blood boil.
Article bookmarked so hopefully I'll read this again 😉. My instant reaction was that I would leave a one word comment like "preach" but this is the whole sermon you've written so it deserves something more considered than preach but then again I'm not female and I get the occasional troll on twitter but I see it happens all the time to women I read and agree and disagree with and it looks really really grim. Anyway. Keep preaching ❤️