Ever since I was diagnosed with celiac disease in 2020 and had to dramatically alter my diet (going gluten-free is the only “treatment”), I’ve found myself thinking about food almost all the time. What am I going to cook for myself at home, am I going to be able to find safe gluten-free food if I’m dining out or traveling, was what I just ate really gluten-free or is it going to make me sick, etc.
I tend to panic and have had meltdowns when food-related activities don’t go according to my exact plans (for ex, if I show up at a restaurant I’ve researched and it’s closed)—and I find it hard to go-with-the-flow when it comes to food due to my fear of accidentally eating gluten.
Thanks so much for sharing, Christina. I imagine I’d feel and respond similarly if I’d received that diagnosis.
I also love this reminder that, for many people (for all kinds of reasons), eating certain foods and avoiding others is a form of taking care of ourselves. It’s not that foods are "good" or "bad," but they can have a very real impact on our physical body (and thus our mind).
Thank you Allison Deraney for your response. I have realized that the noise is in my head and what works for me is shifting my awareness to the physical sensations of breath. These are two different mutually exclusive paths. I have to be diligent in noticing AND shifting. And I have to be willing to repeat and repeat. I may get a few heart-focused breaths and then the head voice squirms in. Another realization has been discovering that the head voice is my identity. That has been a powerful force for change because it mobilizes the emotion of disgust.
My thoughts are all an incomprehensible jumble right now. This conversation has cracked something open in me that needs some time to breathe and settle. I’ll just say that I’m grateful for all that have contributed here. It’s so heartwarming to know I’m not alone in this.
The food noise for me shows up as my inner critic. It sounds a lot like you’re doing it wrong, you’re going to mess it up and then it’s all going to come tumbling down. Then what? There is also a morality element tied in for me too I think. Like it makes me “good” or “better than” when I eat a certain way. That I’m doing life “right.” I’ve been caught up in this disordered eating/body image wave for 30 plus years. I’m at a point right now where I am committed to quieting this noise. I’m inviting it in and all the feelings in, I’m going to be curious about it all and try and let my guard down and see what happens. I saw a quote that really resonated with me that I will share. I wrote it and a note to myself on a post it note. I ve read it every morning for the last two weeks.
“ I cannot heal in a body I am hurting.”
This feels so hard right now. Just trust it will work out. Try something new for a different result. We can only love our way free.
I’m not sure I followed the prompt Dana:) but thank you for opening this space to share. I have so much to say on this and there are so many pieces wrapped up in it. But this is what was on my heart this morning. 💛
Thanks so much for sharing, Amy. I’m really glad you’re here - and, wow, what a powerful quote. To me, it speaks to the idea that we are our number 1 caretaker.
Sending care from my heart to yours - I know this place of exploration and practice can feel so hard. Huge recognition for your awareness, openness, and courage. ❤️
In the beginning of my sobriety, I dove headfirst and hard into intermittent fasting. I lost 35 pounds that first year of sobriety and felt invincible. I told myself it was part of my new quest to health. Looking back now I can see it was just a replacement addiction. A way to feel in control as I untangled myself from years of being under alcohol’s grip. Now that I am no longer restricting how and when I eat, I feel a bit manic with my food. The noise can be deafening at times and I know it’s tied up with my feelings of inadequacy (which fluctuates depending on the day) and loneliness (which for me is more “no one gets me” versus “no one is with me”).
Thanks for giving us the runway to discuss all this, Dana 🙏🏼. I’m looking forward to the rest of your series.
This is how I experience loneliness too. You saying it like that put it into clear focus for me. It’s not that I don’t have tons of friends and the ability to be around people, it’s that I often feel like I don’t fit in, even more so now that I don’t drink. I’ve also discovered that being around people takes up a lot of my battery as does my job so my soul requires time to recharge so I can show up as my best self. That is hard for me too bc it is so different than how I lived pre alcohol where it was go go go.
YESSSS! Amy, I feel this deeply, too. Especially the being around people (even those I love/cherish) drains my battery. And work, ugh. Sucks me dry some days! LOL. The drinking days, when I knew a cocktail would be waiting for me at the end of a draining day, had me going going going. Now, I have to stop and sometimes just surrender. It's hard getting used to, but I know it's necessary. Thanks for helping me knead that out xoxoxo
Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly, Allison. I know you’re not alone in what you describe, and I truly believe that hearing about others’ experiences can help all of us walk through life and recovery more beautifully and gently.
I hear you on trying to feel in control - I’m doing it still, though less compared to the past (one of the benefits of aging, I think). So much recognition for the awareness and care you bring to all of this, and so much gratitude for your presence here. ❤️
I experience intrusive thoughts about being inadequate. In the past cocaine and cannabis stopped the thoughts. I quit them 35 (cocaine) and 11 (cannabis) years ago. Until 25 days ago I attempted to drink wine like a normie to stop the thoughts. Mindful Self-compassion is helping now to stop the self-critical thoughts and I am free of alcohol. So, I don't have food noise, but I have had debilitating "inadequacy noise". Thanks for letting me share.
John, I resonate greatly with the inadequacy noise you mention. It filters in to many parts of my day (work, parenting, writing, “Keeping up” with life stuff). The self compassion helps me too. When I feel the noise amp up, I gently guide myself into a sort of mantra “relax, release. Relax, release”. It helps pull me out of it. Sometimes 🙃
Thanks so much for sharing, John. Sending heart-sourced care and compassion as you walk with it all. And huge recognition and congrats on your sobriety.
In the past (way less so now, but it’s still there), my experience of food noise was entangled in Fear of Too Much - as in, fear of too much coming from within or without. Whether we’re talking about food, love, or anything else, my default has been (still is sometimes) to pull towards elimination, deprivation, and restriction because (for me) those offer momentary relief and illusory control, keeping the dread, chaos, and waves of anxiety from dragging me under.
In my body, the anxiety centres around my chest and heart. It feels suffocating, and as though I’m profoundly uncomfortable inside my own skin. Food noise often revolved around relieving this internal overwhelm by establishing some sort of control over what I was eating and my body - it’s like, if I could at least control this one small thing, I could relieve the fear and redirect the hyper-vigilance inwards rather than outwards.
And so...my own work and practice with quieting food noise has gone hand-in-hand with easing up on attempts at control (which never really worked anyway).
Oh, the Yin Yang of relationships ; ) My experience of food noise is also entangled in Fear but, as you know, I am a Fear of Not Enough kinda guy. Ugh...the urge to find, feed and fill-up drives the hunger. And that's an old, familiar, urgent response to the old and familiar Fear.
Hmmm….that is interesting….well, what I can say with some certainty is that I’m sure glad you’re a Fear of Too Much’r …I can’t imagine what things-would-look-like and the lengths we’d go to if we were both a pair of Fear of Too Littler’s ; )
Ever since I was diagnosed with celiac disease in 2020 and had to dramatically alter my diet (going gluten-free is the only “treatment”), I’ve found myself thinking about food almost all the time. What am I going to cook for myself at home, am I going to be able to find safe gluten-free food if I’m dining out or traveling, was what I just ate really gluten-free or is it going to make me sick, etc.
I tend to panic and have had meltdowns when food-related activities don’t go according to my exact plans (for ex, if I show up at a restaurant I’ve researched and it’s closed)—and I find it hard to go-with-the-flow when it comes to food due to my fear of accidentally eating gluten.
Thanks so much for sharing, Christina. I imagine I’d feel and respond similarly if I’d received that diagnosis.
I also love this reminder that, for many people (for all kinds of reasons), eating certain foods and avoiding others is a form of taking care of ourselves. It’s not that foods are "good" or "bad," but they can have a very real impact on our physical body (and thus our mind).
Thanks, Dana! And that is a great reminder!
Thank you Allison Deraney for your response. I have realized that the noise is in my head and what works for me is shifting my awareness to the physical sensations of breath. These are two different mutually exclusive paths. I have to be diligent in noticing AND shifting. And I have to be willing to repeat and repeat. I may get a few heart-focused breaths and then the head voice squirms in. Another realization has been discovering that the head voice is my identity. That has been a powerful force for change because it mobilizes the emotion of disgust.
Blessings,
John Omaha, Ph.D. MFT (Retired), Author
Mobile: 707-545-5363
P.O. Box 1531
Santa Rosa, CA 95402
John@johnomaha.com
www.johnomaha.com
My thoughts are all an incomprehensible jumble right now. This conversation has cracked something open in me that needs some time to breathe and settle. I’ll just say that I’m grateful for all that have contributed here. It’s so heartwarming to know I’m not alone in this.
Thank you from my heart for being here, Pamela. You’re so not alone. ❤️
The food noise for me shows up as my inner critic. It sounds a lot like you’re doing it wrong, you’re going to mess it up and then it’s all going to come tumbling down. Then what? There is also a morality element tied in for me too I think. Like it makes me “good” or “better than” when I eat a certain way. That I’m doing life “right.” I’ve been caught up in this disordered eating/body image wave for 30 plus years. I’m at a point right now where I am committed to quieting this noise. I’m inviting it in and all the feelings in, I’m going to be curious about it all and try and let my guard down and see what happens. I saw a quote that really resonated with me that I will share. I wrote it and a note to myself on a post it note. I ve read it every morning for the last two weeks.
“ I cannot heal in a body I am hurting.”
This feels so hard right now. Just trust it will work out. Try something new for a different result. We can only love our way free.
I’m not sure I followed the prompt Dana:) but thank you for opening this space to share. I have so much to say on this and there are so many pieces wrapped up in it. But this is what was on my heart this morning. 💛
Amazing quote, xx
I can relate to this a lot, Amy! I’ve had those feelings of being “good” or “better than” too when I’ve followed certain diets.
Thanks so much for sharing, Amy. I’m really glad you’re here - and, wow, what a powerful quote. To me, it speaks to the idea that we are our number 1 caretaker.
Sending care from my heart to yours - I know this place of exploration and practice can feel so hard. Huge recognition for your awareness, openness, and courage. ❤️
In the beginning of my sobriety, I dove headfirst and hard into intermittent fasting. I lost 35 pounds that first year of sobriety and felt invincible. I told myself it was part of my new quest to health. Looking back now I can see it was just a replacement addiction. A way to feel in control as I untangled myself from years of being under alcohol’s grip. Now that I am no longer restricting how and when I eat, I feel a bit manic with my food. The noise can be deafening at times and I know it’s tied up with my feelings of inadequacy (which fluctuates depending on the day) and loneliness (which for me is more “no one gets me” versus “no one is with me”).
Thanks for giving us the runway to discuss all this, Dana 🙏🏼. I’m looking forward to the rest of your series.
This is how I experience loneliness too. You saying it like that put it into clear focus for me. It’s not that I don’t have tons of friends and the ability to be around people, it’s that I often feel like I don’t fit in, even more so now that I don’t drink. I’ve also discovered that being around people takes up a lot of my battery as does my job so my soul requires time to recharge so I can show up as my best self. That is hard for me too bc it is so different than how I lived pre alcohol where it was go go go.
YESSSS! Amy, I feel this deeply, too. Especially the being around people (even those I love/cherish) drains my battery. And work, ugh. Sucks me dry some days! LOL. The drinking days, when I knew a cocktail would be waiting for me at the end of a draining day, had me going going going. Now, I have to stop and sometimes just surrender. It's hard getting used to, but I know it's necessary. Thanks for helping me knead that out xoxoxo
Thank you for sharing so honestly and openly, Allison. I know you’re not alone in what you describe, and I truly believe that hearing about others’ experiences can help all of us walk through life and recovery more beautifully and gently.
I hear you on trying to feel in control - I’m doing it still, though less compared to the past (one of the benefits of aging, I think). So much recognition for the awareness and care you bring to all of this, and so much gratitude for your presence here. ❤️
I've been counting calories (in and out) for 33 years. It's ascetism to an extent and it must have a deeper cause. Fear of loss of control.
Whoa, that's a lot of numbers for a long time. Gifts, curses...practice 🙏
Not related to food - directly - I started self-tracking everything when I started Shaolin Quan. I'm up to 1,245,000 push-ups. Way too OC.
Okay - that’s a lot of push-ups! Thanks so much for sharing. I know "fear of loss of control" all too well.
I experience intrusive thoughts about being inadequate. In the past cocaine and cannabis stopped the thoughts. I quit them 35 (cocaine) and 11 (cannabis) years ago. Until 25 days ago I attempted to drink wine like a normie to stop the thoughts. Mindful Self-compassion is helping now to stop the self-critical thoughts and I am free of alcohol. So, I don't have food noise, but I have had debilitating "inadequacy noise". Thanks for letting me share.
John, I resonate greatly with the inadequacy noise you mention. It filters in to many parts of my day (work, parenting, writing, “Keeping up” with life stuff). The self compassion helps me too. When I feel the noise amp up, I gently guide myself into a sort of mantra “relax, release. Relax, release”. It helps pull me out of it. Sometimes 🙃
Thanks so much for sharing, John. Sending heart-sourced care and compassion as you walk with it all. And huge recognition and congrats on your sobriety.
thx 🌹🌻🌸💐💚💛💜❤️🌼😍🥰
In the past (way less so now, but it’s still there), my experience of food noise was entangled in Fear of Too Much - as in, fear of too much coming from within or without. Whether we’re talking about food, love, or anything else, my default has been (still is sometimes) to pull towards elimination, deprivation, and restriction because (for me) those offer momentary relief and illusory control, keeping the dread, chaos, and waves of anxiety from dragging me under.
In my body, the anxiety centres around my chest and heart. It feels suffocating, and as though I’m profoundly uncomfortable inside my own skin. Food noise often revolved around relieving this internal overwhelm by establishing some sort of control over what I was eating and my body - it’s like, if I could at least control this one small thing, I could relieve the fear and redirect the hyper-vigilance inwards rather than outwards.
And so...my own work and practice with quieting food noise has gone hand-in-hand with easing up on attempts at control (which never really worked anyway).
Oh, the Yin Yang of relationships ; ) My experience of food noise is also entangled in Fear but, as you know, I am a Fear of Not Enough kinda guy. Ugh...the urge to find, feed and fill-up drives the hunger. And that's an old, familiar, urgent response to the old and familiar Fear.
Golly this is so true...
"Ugh...the urge to find, feed and fill-up drives the hunger....
Thank you Randall that's the first time I've seen how I feel, written down simply and lucidly in front of me.. I connect.
Have a super day thank you again.
Thanks for your response, Julie, and so glad that simple line landed in the way it did with you. Keep connecting with what feeds your soul ! ; )
I wonder what percentage of Fear of Too Much people gravitate towards relationships with Fear of Not Enough people... ;)
Hmmm….that is interesting….well, what I can say with some certainty is that I’m sure glad you’re a Fear of Too Much’r …I can’t imagine what things-would-look-like and the lengths we’d go to if we were both a pair of Fear of Too Littler’s ; )