You write with such clarity and compassion, Dana. Just beautiful. It's such a relief getting to the end of another January knowing that I won't have to start thinking about alcohol all the time again. Choosing mediocrity was exhausting. It's great to be reminded of why I put the bottle down. Thank you so much. 🙏
Thank you so much, Michelle. Huge recognition and celebration of your choices. And I’m so glad you brought up that crucial aspect. Making a choice and then renegotiating that choice over and over IS exhausting. Immensely more ease-ful, I find, to make one choice to decide all choices. (Paraphrasing someone there, but can’t recall who:) ❤️
Dang Dana!! This is so good!! I’m gonna say what I want to say in the notes when I restack this. You really nailed this thing about ‘moderation’. That word is like a cruel joke when our hungry, angry, lonely and tired ego ‘will’ power fails the addictive EVERYTHING test. Consumerism is perpetuated by addiction and man, the producers have gotten extremely proficient at it!!!
Thanks, Christopher! And wow, I love that you brought up consumerism here. That’s a perfect and powerful example of how the collective has normalized addiction and excess (and sold them to us literally and figuratively) in a way that is hurting us, other beings, the planet.
Love this juxtaposition. Moderation and mediocrity. I used to think of it as "good enough." Well, I only had 2 drinks, that's "close enough." Or, I was productive most of the day - that's "good enough." And then I wasn't happy with good enough and still kept continuing the same cycle somehow hoping that one day, my good enough would turn into great. For me, stopping drinking entirely gave me the clarity to see what was possible and the energy to actually do it. Good enough was comfortable, which meant no growth, no real learning, no presence. Thank you for this framing.
Beautifully, powerfully put, Andy. And oof, so familiar. Thank you for your kind words and for being here, and huge celebration of your clarity and sobriety. ❤️
I didn't quit sugar for January but started to taper off and continue to, and it feels better as I continue. This is my struggle right now, but this approach seems to be working for me. Thanks for the post, Dana.
Well said! I've always hated that 'everything in moderation,' crap. It's a deceit, it's skullduggery. I think of it especially with regards to food, particularly harmful, ultra processed, animal protein food. Coke, candy, cold cuts, etc. Would you eat poison in moderation? No!
Thank you Dana! I needed this compassionate, clear-sighted dose of tough love! I've been experimenting with harm reduction around some of my most-sticky patterns (email-checking, over-eating, phone use), and although they've been useful, this post has been a beautiful invitation to check in with where I'm settling or letting myself off the hook with patterns I know are hurting me. Social media especially is one area where I keep going back to that idea of moderation - I can see myself looking for loopholes in how I use it! - and this post is such a useful reminder of the need for us to be honest with ourselves and recognise that there are times when hard boundaries and significant rather than incremental change are what we most need, and the need for the courage to implement that when needed. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing and for being here, Jane! I so hear you. There’s always another place of recognition, exploration, and practice, it seems... Emailing checking (and Notes checking) is still a big, shall we say, “opportunity” for me to make some serious shifts. But I think even just bringing awareness to our patterns holds gifts - staying honest, being courageous, and going for it when that feels right...but also not expecting or demanding that we get it all “perfect” (or even close, really). Cheering you on, Jane! With much love and light ❤️.
Such a great read! This is something I have to hold up a mirror about too. Even though I regularly take long breaks from alcohol (3-12months) and rarely think about it during those breaks, the idea of quitting for good is something I still don't enjoy contemplating, which tells me there's more barbs I have yet to release.
One great quote I heard on moderation was from Dr Daniel Amen who says, "Everything in moderation is one of the most damaging myths out there. Nobody ever says that when they're about to make a good decision."
Love this Dana. Powerful words and deep home truths. And I love your question of does this thing create connection or disconnection? In an ideal world, I would filter everything in my life through that lens!
Yes, yes, YES to all of this. We've normalised something that isn't normal, and it especially isn't healthy. We can keep making excuses for our actions, or we can take accountability and make better choices—the in-between is somewhere I no longer want to dance.
Another rich piece of writing on addiction. Lots to reflect on here, so beautifully written. I’ve been pondering how best to support people with habit change, in my Ayurvedic work, it is the biggest challenge they meet. You’ve given me lots to reflect on here, thank you 🙏🏽
Your essays always reach me. Continuous resonance. This one. Well, it made me uncomfortable. And sobriety keeps teaching me that where there is discomfort, there is opportunity for growth.
I had to pull away for a bit before leaving this comment because so much got kicked up.
I declared at the beginning of the month that I would have a digital Sabbath on Sundays - as it pertains to my phone use. My intent felt right. I recognized how unhealthy my phone habits were becoming. A month in and it feels just as icky as all the moderation games I played in my drinking days. It is no different.
And THIS new moderation game I’m playing - it has its claws in me just like when it was guarding my drinking habits. The days before and after my “sabbath” I can hardly get enough of my phone. Binging. Feigning to dive back in.
So Dana - thank you for this kick in my ass. Your words here solidified what I was feeling inside - stuff that was getting sludgy and heavy. I needed this tough love.
Alcohol is no longer my thing but ugh - there’s so much else that is keeping me in mediocrity. Time to wake up to it.
Oh, I so hear you, Allison! And I don’t think we have to get it all perfect (I sure don’t). But, for me at least, giving up alcohol offered such a clear (often uncomfortable) barometer. Like you, I find myself seeing certain patterns and thinking: This is exactly what I was doing with alcohol - now just with a different drug. I still have those places, of course, and in some of those places I’m choosing harm reduction for now (ahem, being on substack Notes). Still, even seeing and naming that already shifts things.
Sending immense care, gratitude, and recognition your way, Allison! I see you as such a kindred spirit on this path. ❤️
Yes, the seeing and the naming alone can move the needle. And I'm grateful for the barometer that sobriety offers us - b/c otherwise I'd be walking through my days numb to it all.
I don’t have a moderate bone in my body. Healthy relationships with people, places, or things don’t require worry and “breaks.” Whether it’s relationships or substances or money. Thanks for the reality check in your essay Dana. 🙏
Moderation is bullshit--it’s either forced or completely unnecessary.
You write with such clarity and compassion, Dana. Just beautiful. It's such a relief getting to the end of another January knowing that I won't have to start thinking about alcohol all the time again. Choosing mediocrity was exhausting. It's great to be reminded of why I put the bottle down. Thank you so much. 🙏
Thank you so much, Michelle. Huge recognition and celebration of your choices. And I’m so glad you brought up that crucial aspect. Making a choice and then renegotiating that choice over and over IS exhausting. Immensely more ease-ful, I find, to make one choice to decide all choices. (Paraphrasing someone there, but can’t recall who:) ❤️
Dang Dana!! This is so good!! I’m gonna say what I want to say in the notes when I restack this. You really nailed this thing about ‘moderation’. That word is like a cruel joke when our hungry, angry, lonely and tired ego ‘will’ power fails the addictive EVERYTHING test. Consumerism is perpetuated by addiction and man, the producers have gotten extremely proficient at it!!!
Thanks, Christopher! And wow, I love that you brought up consumerism here. That’s a perfect and powerful example of how the collective has normalized addiction and excess (and sold them to us literally and figuratively) in a way that is hurting us, other beings, the planet.
Love this juxtaposition. Moderation and mediocrity. I used to think of it as "good enough." Well, I only had 2 drinks, that's "close enough." Or, I was productive most of the day - that's "good enough." And then I wasn't happy with good enough and still kept continuing the same cycle somehow hoping that one day, my good enough would turn into great. For me, stopping drinking entirely gave me the clarity to see what was possible and the energy to actually do it. Good enough was comfortable, which meant no growth, no real learning, no presence. Thank you for this framing.
Beautifully, powerfully put, Andy. And oof, so familiar. Thank you for your kind words and for being here, and huge celebration of your clarity and sobriety. ❤️
I didn't quit sugar for January but started to taper off and continue to, and it feels better as I continue. This is my struggle right now, but this approach seems to be working for me. Thanks for the post, Dana.
Beautiful, Diana - thank you for sharing and inspiring. I know firsthand that sugar can be a really hard one to quit or cut back. Cheering you on ❤️.
Thanks so much, Dana.
Well said! I've always hated that 'everything in moderation,' crap. It's a deceit, it's skullduggery. I think of it especially with regards to food, particularly harmful, ultra processed, animal protein food. Coke, candy, cold cuts, etc. Would you eat poison in moderation? No!
Michelle! So lovely to see you here and to find out you have a substack newsletter! And it’s official - skullduggery is my new favourite word.
Lovely to read you again, Dana.
Skullduggery Spoonerises nicely too—dullskuggery!!
Thank you and yes!
Everything in moderation…including moderation. 😊
Thank you Dana! I needed this compassionate, clear-sighted dose of tough love! I've been experimenting with harm reduction around some of my most-sticky patterns (email-checking, over-eating, phone use), and although they've been useful, this post has been a beautiful invitation to check in with where I'm settling or letting myself off the hook with patterns I know are hurting me. Social media especially is one area where I keep going back to that idea of moderation - I can see myself looking for loopholes in how I use it! - and this post is such a useful reminder of the need for us to be honest with ourselves and recognise that there are times when hard boundaries and significant rather than incremental change are what we most need, and the need for the courage to implement that when needed. Thank you!
Thank you for sharing and for being here, Jane! I so hear you. There’s always another place of recognition, exploration, and practice, it seems... Emailing checking (and Notes checking) is still a big, shall we say, “opportunity” for me to make some serious shifts. But I think even just bringing awareness to our patterns holds gifts - staying honest, being courageous, and going for it when that feels right...but also not expecting or demanding that we get it all “perfect” (or even close, really). Cheering you on, Jane! With much love and light ❤️.
This was perfect. I've rarely felt so seen, so well represented, by another person's words.
Thank you from my heart, Katherine. What a beautiful comment to receive this day! ❤️
Such a great read! This is something I have to hold up a mirror about too. Even though I regularly take long breaks from alcohol (3-12months) and rarely think about it during those breaks, the idea of quitting for good is something I still don't enjoy contemplating, which tells me there's more barbs I have yet to release.
One great quote I heard on moderation was from Dr Daniel Amen who says, "Everything in moderation is one of the most damaging myths out there. Nobody ever says that when they're about to make a good decision."
Ooooo. I LOVE that quote, Natalie! Thank you for sharing it and your experience! ❤️
Love this Dana. Powerful words and deep home truths. And I love your question of does this thing create connection or disconnection? In an ideal world, I would filter everything in my life through that lens!
Thank you so much, Vicki. I heard my teacher Gil Fronsdal ask a version of that question years ago, and it has been a compass since. ❤️
Yes, yes, YES to all of this. We've normalised something that isn't normal, and it especially isn't healthy. We can keep making excuses for our actions, or we can take accountability and make better choices—the in-between is somewhere I no longer want to dance.
Thank you, Kaitlyn! And big yes to redefining and reclaiming what’s “normal.” ❤️
Another rich piece of writing on addiction. Lots to reflect on here, so beautifully written. I’ve been pondering how best to support people with habit change, in my Ayurvedic work, it is the biggest challenge they meet. You’ve given me lots to reflect on here, thank you 🙏🏽
Thank you, Lucy! I’m certain you’re doing beautiful work in the world, supporting your clients. ❤️
Your essays always reach me. Continuous resonance. This one. Well, it made me uncomfortable. And sobriety keeps teaching me that where there is discomfort, there is opportunity for growth.
I had to pull away for a bit before leaving this comment because so much got kicked up.
I declared at the beginning of the month that I would have a digital Sabbath on Sundays - as it pertains to my phone use. My intent felt right. I recognized how unhealthy my phone habits were becoming. A month in and it feels just as icky as all the moderation games I played in my drinking days. It is no different.
And THIS new moderation game I’m playing - it has its claws in me just like when it was guarding my drinking habits. The days before and after my “sabbath” I can hardly get enough of my phone. Binging. Feigning to dive back in.
So Dana - thank you for this kick in my ass. Your words here solidified what I was feeling inside - stuff that was getting sludgy and heavy. I needed this tough love.
Alcohol is no longer my thing but ugh - there’s so much else that is keeping me in mediocrity. Time to wake up to it.
Oh, I so hear you, Allison! And I don’t think we have to get it all perfect (I sure don’t). But, for me at least, giving up alcohol offered such a clear (often uncomfortable) barometer. Like you, I find myself seeing certain patterns and thinking: This is exactly what I was doing with alcohol - now just with a different drug. I still have those places, of course, and in some of those places I’m choosing harm reduction for now (ahem, being on substack Notes). Still, even seeing and naming that already shifts things.
Sending immense care, gratitude, and recognition your way, Allison! I see you as such a kindred spirit on this path. ❤️
Yes, the seeing and the naming alone can move the needle. And I'm grateful for the barometer that sobriety offers us - b/c otherwise I'd be walking through my days numb to it all.
Thank you, Dana! xoxoxo
I don’t have a moderate bone in my body. Healthy relationships with people, places, or things don’t require worry and “breaks.” Whether it’s relationships or substances or money. Thanks for the reality check in your essay Dana. 🙏
Moderation is bullshit--it’s either forced or completely unnecessary.
What a great way of putting it, Dee! Thank you for sharing! 🙏
I think there are two aspects of moderation, incoming and outgoing.
Judiciously moderate the noise coming in, and selectively moderate the noise you create.
Ooo - super interesting to consider that perspective! Thank you, Malcolm!
Another absolute KILLER, Dana!
Thank you from my heart, Kiểu! I appreciate your kind words and your presence here! ❤️