You write with such clarity and compassion, Dana. Just beautiful. It's such a relief getting to the end of another January knowing that I won't have to start thinking about alcohol all the time again. Choosing mediocrity was exhausting. It's great to be reminded of why I put the bottle down. Thank you so much. 🙏
Dang Dana!! This is so good!! I’m gonna say what I want to say in the notes when I restack this. You really nailed this thing about ‘moderation’. That word is like a cruel joke when our hungry, angry, lonely and tired ego ‘will’ power fails the addictive EVERYTHING test. Consumerism is perpetuated by addiction and man, the producers have gotten extremely proficient at it!!!
Love this juxtaposition. Moderation and mediocrity. I used to think of it as "good enough." Well, I only had 2 drinks, that's "close enough." Or, I was productive most of the day - that's "good enough." And then I wasn't happy with good enough and still kept continuing the same cycle somehow hoping that one day, my good enough would turn into great. For me, stopping drinking entirely gave me the clarity to see what was possible and the energy to actually do it. Good enough was comfortable, which meant no growth, no real learning, no presence. Thank you for this framing.
I didn't quit sugar for January but started to taper off and continue to, and it feels better as I continue. This is my struggle right now, but this approach seems to be working for me. Thanks for the post, Dana.
Well said! I've always hated that 'everything in moderation,' crap. It's a deceit, it's skullduggery. I think of it especially with regards to food, particularly harmful, ultra processed, animal protein food. Coke, candy, cold cuts, etc. Would you eat poison in moderation? No!
Thank you Dana! I needed this compassionate, clear-sighted dose of tough love! I've been experimenting with harm reduction around some of my most-sticky patterns (email-checking, over-eating, phone use), and although they've been useful, this post has been a beautiful invitation to check in with where I'm settling or letting myself off the hook with patterns I know are hurting me. Social media especially is one area where I keep going back to that idea of moderation - I can see myself looking for loopholes in how I use it! - and this post is such a useful reminder of the need for us to be honest with ourselves and recognise that there are times when hard boundaries and significant rather than incremental change are what we most need, and the need for the courage to implement that when needed. Thank you!
Such a great read! This is something I have to hold up a mirror about too. Even though I regularly take long breaks from alcohol (3-12months) and rarely think about it during those breaks, the idea of quitting for good is something I still don't enjoy contemplating, which tells me there's more barbs I have yet to release.
One great quote I heard on moderation was from Dr Daniel Amen who says, "Everything in moderation is one of the most damaging myths out there. Nobody ever says that when they're about to make a good decision."
Love this Dana. Powerful words and deep home truths. And I love your question of does this thing create connection or disconnection? In an ideal world, I would filter everything in my life through that lens!
Yes, yes, YES to all of this. We've normalised something that isn't normal, and it especially isn't healthy. We can keep making excuses for our actions, or we can take accountability and make better choices—the in-between is somewhere I no longer want to dance.
Another rich piece of writing on addiction. Lots to reflect on here, so beautifully written. I’ve been pondering how best to support people with habit change, in my Ayurvedic work, it is the biggest challenge they meet. You’ve given me lots to reflect on here, thank you 🙏🏽
Your essays always reach me. Continuous resonance. This one. Well, it made me uncomfortable. And sobriety keeps teaching me that where there is discomfort, there is opportunity for growth.
I had to pull away for a bit before leaving this comment because so much got kicked up.
I declared at the beginning of the month that I would have a digital Sabbath on Sundays - as it pertains to my phone use. My intent felt right. I recognized how unhealthy my phone habits were becoming. A month in and it feels just as icky as all the moderation games I played in my drinking days. It is no different.
And THIS new moderation game I’m playing - it has its claws in me just like when it was guarding my drinking habits. The days before and after my “sabbath” I can hardly get enough of my phone. Binging. Feigning to dive back in.
So Dana - thank you for this kick in my ass. Your words here solidified what I was feeling inside - stuff that was getting sludgy and heavy. I needed this tough love.
Alcohol is no longer my thing but ugh - there’s so much else that is keeping me in mediocrity. Time to wake up to it.
I don’t have a moderate bone in my body. Healthy relationships with people, places, or things don’t require worry and “breaks.” Whether it’s relationships or substances or money. Thanks for the reality check in your essay Dana. 🙏
Moderation is bullshit--it’s either forced or completely unnecessary.
I resonate with the observation that the body is aware of what is needed and responds without (or: despite) the mind’s occasional interference.
I’m experiencing some of that these last few days; a recent trip drained me emotionally / mentally. I wasn’t aware of that, though, until I noticed the body starting to care for itself by, say, winding down earlier than usual or calling (maybe “forcing” even) me to slow down. So, I’m practicing patience, and respecting where I am and what is appropriate for right now.
You write with such clarity and compassion, Dana. Just beautiful. It's such a relief getting to the end of another January knowing that I won't have to start thinking about alcohol all the time again. Choosing mediocrity was exhausting. It's great to be reminded of why I put the bottle down. Thank you so much. 🙏
Dang Dana!! This is so good!! I’m gonna say what I want to say in the notes when I restack this. You really nailed this thing about ‘moderation’. That word is like a cruel joke when our hungry, angry, lonely and tired ego ‘will’ power fails the addictive EVERYTHING test. Consumerism is perpetuated by addiction and man, the producers have gotten extremely proficient at it!!!
Love this juxtaposition. Moderation and mediocrity. I used to think of it as "good enough." Well, I only had 2 drinks, that's "close enough." Or, I was productive most of the day - that's "good enough." And then I wasn't happy with good enough and still kept continuing the same cycle somehow hoping that one day, my good enough would turn into great. For me, stopping drinking entirely gave me the clarity to see what was possible and the energy to actually do it. Good enough was comfortable, which meant no growth, no real learning, no presence. Thank you for this framing.
I didn't quit sugar for January but started to taper off and continue to, and it feels better as I continue. This is my struggle right now, but this approach seems to be working for me. Thanks for the post, Dana.
Well said! I've always hated that 'everything in moderation,' crap. It's a deceit, it's skullduggery. I think of it especially with regards to food, particularly harmful, ultra processed, animal protein food. Coke, candy, cold cuts, etc. Would you eat poison in moderation? No!
Thank you Dana! I needed this compassionate, clear-sighted dose of tough love! I've been experimenting with harm reduction around some of my most-sticky patterns (email-checking, over-eating, phone use), and although they've been useful, this post has been a beautiful invitation to check in with where I'm settling or letting myself off the hook with patterns I know are hurting me. Social media especially is one area where I keep going back to that idea of moderation - I can see myself looking for loopholes in how I use it! - and this post is such a useful reminder of the need for us to be honest with ourselves and recognise that there are times when hard boundaries and significant rather than incremental change are what we most need, and the need for the courage to implement that when needed. Thank you!
This was perfect. I've rarely felt so seen, so well represented, by another person's words.
Such a great read! This is something I have to hold up a mirror about too. Even though I regularly take long breaks from alcohol (3-12months) and rarely think about it during those breaks, the idea of quitting for good is something I still don't enjoy contemplating, which tells me there's more barbs I have yet to release.
One great quote I heard on moderation was from Dr Daniel Amen who says, "Everything in moderation is one of the most damaging myths out there. Nobody ever says that when they're about to make a good decision."
Love this Dana. Powerful words and deep home truths. And I love your question of does this thing create connection or disconnection? In an ideal world, I would filter everything in my life through that lens!
Yes, yes, YES to all of this. We've normalised something that isn't normal, and it especially isn't healthy. We can keep making excuses for our actions, or we can take accountability and make better choices—the in-between is somewhere I no longer want to dance.
Another rich piece of writing on addiction. Lots to reflect on here, so beautifully written. I’ve been pondering how best to support people with habit change, in my Ayurvedic work, it is the biggest challenge they meet. You’ve given me lots to reflect on here, thank you 🙏🏽
Your essays always reach me. Continuous resonance. This one. Well, it made me uncomfortable. And sobriety keeps teaching me that where there is discomfort, there is opportunity for growth.
I had to pull away for a bit before leaving this comment because so much got kicked up.
I declared at the beginning of the month that I would have a digital Sabbath on Sundays - as it pertains to my phone use. My intent felt right. I recognized how unhealthy my phone habits were becoming. A month in and it feels just as icky as all the moderation games I played in my drinking days. It is no different.
And THIS new moderation game I’m playing - it has its claws in me just like when it was guarding my drinking habits. The days before and after my “sabbath” I can hardly get enough of my phone. Binging. Feigning to dive back in.
So Dana - thank you for this kick in my ass. Your words here solidified what I was feeling inside - stuff that was getting sludgy and heavy. I needed this tough love.
Alcohol is no longer my thing but ugh - there’s so much else that is keeping me in mediocrity. Time to wake up to it.
I don’t have a moderate bone in my body. Healthy relationships with people, places, or things don’t require worry and “breaks.” Whether it’s relationships or substances or money. Thanks for the reality check in your essay Dana. 🙏
Moderation is bullshit--it’s either forced or completely unnecessary.
I think there are two aspects of moderation, incoming and outgoing.
Judiciously moderate the noise coming in, and selectively moderate the noise you create.
Another absolute KILLER, Dana!
Thank you for sharing, Dana.
I resonate with the observation that the body is aware of what is needed and responds without (or: despite) the mind’s occasional interference.
I’m experiencing some of that these last few days; a recent trip drained me emotionally / mentally. I wasn’t aware of that, though, until I noticed the body starting to care for itself by, say, winding down earlier than usual or calling (maybe “forcing” even) me to slow down. So, I’m practicing patience, and respecting where I am and what is appropriate for right now.