Thinking about the last time I saw my Gen Z daughter drunk. She was crying at the foot of my bed because she accidentally pushed her floppy drunk friend against a wall in the bar, and she was scared that if she kept drinking, she might hurt someone. Yes, she stopped drinking because her friend ended up concussed. That’s an anecdotal story of one Gen Z kid quitting because of fear, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a safe place for the people you love. EW to that article. I’m fired up now.
Thanks so much for sharing, Julie. What a powerful example of why alcohol isn’t the answer (or the source of our best moments), and how many Gen Zers demonstrate tremendous self-awareness, wisdom, and agency.
Thank you for writing this response. I feel like the original article was written by a Gen Xer (like me) who is looking for reasons to carry on drinking (not like me), and hopefully the generation she is writing about (not for) will have enough sense of self to completely ignore this terrible, harmful, out of touch advice and do what they do best: forge their own path and show us what progress looks like. 💛
Thanks for commenting, Toni. That’s such a great distinction between writing "about" versus "for" a generation (or group, or individual, etc.). And yes! I imagine Gen Z (every generation, really) has much to teach us.
I've been sober for a year, so I agree with most of what you say here, though I have a more nuanced view. Drinking was verboten in my fundamentalist home, so I experimented with it as a college student and enjoyed exploring my limits without the feeling of shame that I thought would come after. I also enjoyed supporting local breweries. One of my favorite things to do with friends in Iowa was to run 15 miles from our town to the brewery in the next town and share lunch with a pint or two while watching football. Those are good memories. I don't have many regrets associated with alcohol and don't feel strongly that my sobriety is for everyone. Part of me still wishes I could enjoy an IPA or two without worrying about it interrupting my sleep.
But I can't ignore the fact that even during my years of relatively moderate drinking, a beer or a bourbon was almost always a way to take the edge off. And so when I knew I'd be getting divorced, I instinctively recoiled from that impulse. I wanted all of my reserves, all of my wits about me. And I wonder now what my college memories might have looked like if drinking wasn't so anchored to every social setting. What if I'd done those long runs with friends and enjoyed a kombucha? Would it really have been less fun? One thing I love about sobriety is how it feeds my fitness. I'm game for anything nearly any time of day -- a run, the gym, the bike. I love the feeling that I'm never taking myself out of the game, checking out for the rest of the day.
But I'm also wary of binary thinking about it. That's what's best for me, given what my body needs and how my brain works. I'm not sure that I can say categorically what Gen Z should or should not do. That's kind of up to them to figure out, the way I did. But that brings me back to your central point, Dana, which is if Gen Z is already opting out of drinking -- for reasons that they can honor and articulate -- then it would be foolish and even unethical to shame them for that or to suggest that they are living less as a result. There are other ways to live intensively and to push our limits. Puking in the grass isn't all that illuminating.
Thanks so much for sharing, Joshua. Like you, I’m wary and weary of imagined binaries. As you put it so succinctly, the key point here is: "if Gen Z is already opting out of drinking -- for reasons that they can honor and articulate -- then it would be foolish and even unethical to shame them for that or to suggest that they are living less as a result." Yes! I completely agree.
Newly sober person here and, yeah, this article is full of ridiculously bad information. I can say from first-hand experience that one or two shots of “liquid courage” was the FIRST domino to fall in what ended up being a path of personal destruction and regret for me. If I had literally NOT taken those shots, I would not be where I am now. Those shots were taken more than 15(!) years ago, and the fallout is still being felt today.
So. True. In the early days, "choosing to express your feelings while not drinking" was perhaps the hardest part of my sobriety. Having lived in, and communicated from, the dark for so long…speaking to & from the light indeed required conscious courage!
As the mom of two GenZ boys who don't drink, my kids are incredibly brave. They've gone to school their whole lives in fear of being killed by a mass shooter. Yet they persist. They grew up in a sober house so that's what their model was. They both have high anxiety, one managed with meds, the other white knuckles it. This generation, in my opinion, is anxious because of the mass shooter drills they've had to deal with their whole lives, and social media talking about nearly constant mass shootings.
Anxiety because the world is a dangerous place, sobriety because they need to keep their wits about them. I am proud of my 2 brave boys who go out into the world every day, sober, and ready for the day.
Thanks so much for sharing, Janine - I really appreciate hearing from parents of Gen Zers. How tragic that kids (and all of us) are faced with such dangers.
Thank you for your thought-provoking article. It’s funny how patterns shift - I was thinking about Baby Boomers and drinking and driving, and how i used to refuse to get into vehicles if they’d had too much to drink. Showing up to life, without the veneer of the alcohol coating is much more scary - and braver. I’m not sober - but I am choosing sober over alcohol much more often these days. (A Gen-Z)
Thanks so much for being here and for sharing, Tory. It is interesting, how patterns shift over time - and, I think, how we can learn from folks across the generations.
Yes! I think you nailed it Dana. I haven't read the original article (and to be honest don't want to give it the air space), but from what you quote here, my jaw is on the floor. That feels like shockingly irresponsible journalism. In my view, alcohol is one of many ways we disconnect from ourselves, each other, and our emotional worlds. It masks our trauma, inhibits our healing, and contributes to our ill health. I love that Gen Z are carving out their own path and not blindly following the bad habits of the previous generations (though no doubt they are cultivating their own, over-use of screens being an obvious one). This is a well-articulated, thoughtful, and impactful response. I shall be sharing!
I came of (drinking) age several decades ago when I was in college. And there were definitely times that I had fun with my friends *and* happened to be drinking. But there's no experience that I look back on now and say, "You know, that would have been so much more fun if I'd had a drink or had more to drink." Conversely, that are plenty of times that I regret how much I drank and embarrassed myself or behaved in ways I wish I hadn't. I have no problem with people who drink responsibly and in ways that don't harm themselves or others. But to suggest that there's something wrong with you if you choose *not* to drink is just nonsensical. I don't know whether this writer was deliberately just trying to be provocative for clicks and attention. But to me, it's argument is just juvenile.
I really like that observation about your earlier decades, Miguel. That feels true for me, too. Any "wishing" I might do about the past never involves wishing I drank more alcohol.
As someone who is five years and three months sober AND who has a 22-year old daughter, I was horrified when I looked at the piece. Every lie you called out is an infuriating example of what led me to nearly drink myself to death. I know in the case of my daughter and some of her friends that the memories of those years have been reason enough to be very moderate about their drinking, if they drink at all.
Thanks for sharing that, Paul - love hearing from someone who’s sober themselves and has a Gen Z daughter. Just by being sober, parents offer such a tremendous gift to their kids.
Im 2 weeks sober and I just wanna say THANK YOU, this piece has given me the confidence to keep going! I posted a blog writing a letter to myself reminded myself why i dont wanna drink anymore and then I came across this and it just solidified how I feel!
Reading this reminded me of a summer day when my lifelong friends and their daughter (mid 20s) came over to enjoy an afternoon by my pool. The daughter, usually bright and outgoing, was subdued and said very little. My friend told me later that her daughter was hungover, having had just returned from a multi-day bachelorette weekend with drinking (of course) being the main feature of every event. I was quietly dismayed, all the more so because my friends, her parents, were so matter-of-fact about it. Like, this is just one of those experiences you have in your 20s. So normalized. 😕 Thanks so much for your bravery in speaking up against the norm! If enough of us do so, maybe it won’t be shrugged off when our otherwise accomplished and bright adult kids lose a summer day to a hangover.
Thanks so much for sharing, Rayna. It’s wild, how normalized it is to harm oneself with alcohol. Also, you offer a perfect example of why, before declaring alcohol necessary for fun or connecting or feeling better, we might consider the bigger picture and look beyond the immediate high.
Thanks for the great rebuttal to that absurd, deliberately antagonistic article. I bowed down to societal and peer pressure for years over drinking and it nearly killed me. I’m so heartened to hear that Gen Zers are not buying into that pressure. My wish is that everyone recognizes that big alcohol is no different from big tobacco and I think society is starting to see that.
Thank you so much for writing this piece. I am Gen-X, and in my opinion, Zoomers’s lower rates of drinking are a vast improvement over the drunken parties that were the norm when I was younger. I am the mom of two Zoomers, and I am grateful that my son is a moderate social drinker (not a binge-drinker or someone who drinks to get drunk) and that my daughter doesn’t drink at all. It’s much healthier that way. It is important to speak up for this choice, especially when there is so much social pressure to get drunk.
“Know what’s really brave? And really fucking badass? Choosing to express your true feelings to someone while not drinking.”
💥💥💥
Yes!! Thanks for being here, Dee.
Thanks for responding to an obviously provocative piece. Those of us that know—know. 💪🏻❤️
Oh how-bout-that...I just see now that I've plucked the same exact line out to highlight & comment upon as you. Didn't mean to step on ya ; )
I did it to... 😊
It’s a damn good line. ☺️
Thinking about the last time I saw my Gen Z daughter drunk. She was crying at the foot of my bed because she accidentally pushed her floppy drunk friend against a wall in the bar, and she was scared that if she kept drinking, she might hurt someone. Yes, she stopped drinking because her friend ended up concussed. That’s an anecdotal story of one Gen Z kid quitting because of fear, and there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be a safe place for the people you love. EW to that article. I’m fired up now.
Thanks so much for sharing, Julie. What a powerful example of why alcohol isn’t the answer (or the source of our best moments), and how many Gen Zers demonstrate tremendous self-awareness, wisdom, and agency.
Thank you for writing this response. I feel like the original article was written by a Gen Xer (like me) who is looking for reasons to carry on drinking (not like me), and hopefully the generation she is writing about (not for) will have enough sense of self to completely ignore this terrible, harmful, out of touch advice and do what they do best: forge their own path and show us what progress looks like. 💛
Thanks for commenting, Toni. That’s such a great distinction between writing "about" versus "for" a generation (or group, or individual, etc.). And yes! I imagine Gen Z (every generation, really) has much to teach us.
I've been sober for a year, so I agree with most of what you say here, though I have a more nuanced view. Drinking was verboten in my fundamentalist home, so I experimented with it as a college student and enjoyed exploring my limits without the feeling of shame that I thought would come after. I also enjoyed supporting local breweries. One of my favorite things to do with friends in Iowa was to run 15 miles from our town to the brewery in the next town and share lunch with a pint or two while watching football. Those are good memories. I don't have many regrets associated with alcohol and don't feel strongly that my sobriety is for everyone. Part of me still wishes I could enjoy an IPA or two without worrying about it interrupting my sleep.
But I can't ignore the fact that even during my years of relatively moderate drinking, a beer or a bourbon was almost always a way to take the edge off. And so when I knew I'd be getting divorced, I instinctively recoiled from that impulse. I wanted all of my reserves, all of my wits about me. And I wonder now what my college memories might have looked like if drinking wasn't so anchored to every social setting. What if I'd done those long runs with friends and enjoyed a kombucha? Would it really have been less fun? One thing I love about sobriety is how it feeds my fitness. I'm game for anything nearly any time of day -- a run, the gym, the bike. I love the feeling that I'm never taking myself out of the game, checking out for the rest of the day.
But I'm also wary of binary thinking about it. That's what's best for me, given what my body needs and how my brain works. I'm not sure that I can say categorically what Gen Z should or should not do. That's kind of up to them to figure out, the way I did. But that brings me back to your central point, Dana, which is if Gen Z is already opting out of drinking -- for reasons that they can honor and articulate -- then it would be foolish and even unethical to shame them for that or to suggest that they are living less as a result. There are other ways to live intensively and to push our limits. Puking in the grass isn't all that illuminating.
Thanks so much for sharing, Joshua. Like you, I’m wary and weary of imagined binaries. As you put it so succinctly, the key point here is: "if Gen Z is already opting out of drinking -- for reasons that they can honor and articulate -- then it would be foolish and even unethical to shame them for that or to suggest that they are living less as a result." Yes! I completely agree.
"...when I knew I'd be getting divorced, I instinctively recoiled from that impulse. I wanted all of my reserves, all of my wits about me."
Bows to you, brother.
Newly sober person here and, yeah, this article is full of ridiculously bad information. I can say from first-hand experience that one or two shots of “liquid courage” was the FIRST domino to fall in what ended up being a path of personal destruction and regret for me. If I had literally NOT taken those shots, I would not be where I am now. Those shots were taken more than 15(!) years ago, and the fallout is still being felt today.
Thanks so much for sharing, Nate. And huge recognition for your choice to get sober.
So. True. In the early days, "choosing to express your feelings while not drinking" was perhaps the hardest part of my sobriety. Having lived in, and communicated from, the dark for so long…speaking to & from the light indeed required conscious courage!
Yes! Here’s to living courageously (but, also, glad it gets a little easier with practice and time).
As the mom of two GenZ boys who don't drink, my kids are incredibly brave. They've gone to school their whole lives in fear of being killed by a mass shooter. Yet they persist. They grew up in a sober house so that's what their model was. They both have high anxiety, one managed with meds, the other white knuckles it. This generation, in my opinion, is anxious because of the mass shooter drills they've had to deal with their whole lives, and social media talking about nearly constant mass shootings.
Anxiety because the world is a dangerous place, sobriety because they need to keep their wits about them. I am proud of my 2 brave boys who go out into the world every day, sober, and ready for the day.
Thanks so much for sharing, Janine - I really appreciate hearing from parents of Gen Zers. How tragic that kids (and all of us) are faced with such dangers.
Thank you for your thought-provoking article. It’s funny how patterns shift - I was thinking about Baby Boomers and drinking and driving, and how i used to refuse to get into vehicles if they’d had too much to drink. Showing up to life, without the veneer of the alcohol coating is much more scary - and braver. I’m not sober - but I am choosing sober over alcohol much more often these days. (A Gen-Z)
Thanks so much for being here and for sharing, Tory. It is interesting, how patterns shift over time - and, I think, how we can learn from folks across the generations.
Yes! I think you nailed it Dana. I haven't read the original article (and to be honest don't want to give it the air space), but from what you quote here, my jaw is on the floor. That feels like shockingly irresponsible journalism. In my view, alcohol is one of many ways we disconnect from ourselves, each other, and our emotional worlds. It masks our trauma, inhibits our healing, and contributes to our ill health. I love that Gen Z are carving out their own path and not blindly following the bad habits of the previous generations (though no doubt they are cultivating their own, over-use of screens being an obvious one). This is a well-articulated, thoughtful, and impactful response. I shall be sharing!
Thanks so much for your generous words and for sharing, Vicki. Also really appreciate hearing your perspective as a clinical psychologist.
I came of (drinking) age several decades ago when I was in college. And there were definitely times that I had fun with my friends *and* happened to be drinking. But there's no experience that I look back on now and say, "You know, that would have been so much more fun if I'd had a drink or had more to drink." Conversely, that are plenty of times that I regret how much I drank and embarrassed myself or behaved in ways I wish I hadn't. I have no problem with people who drink responsibly and in ways that don't harm themselves or others. But to suggest that there's something wrong with you if you choose *not* to drink is just nonsensical. I don't know whether this writer was deliberately just trying to be provocative for clicks and attention. But to me, it's argument is just juvenile.
I really like that observation about your earlier decades, Miguel. That feels true for me, too. Any "wishing" I might do about the past never involves wishing I drank more alcohol.
As someone who is five years and three months sober AND who has a 22-year old daughter, I was horrified when I looked at the piece. Every lie you called out is an infuriating example of what led me to nearly drink myself to death. I know in the case of my daughter and some of her friends that the memories of those years have been reason enough to be very moderate about their drinking, if they drink at all.
Thanks for sharing that, Paul - love hearing from someone who’s sober themselves and has a Gen Z daughter. Just by being sober, parents offer such a tremendous gift to their kids.
How irresponsible! Thanks for calling this out, Dana. I'm glad young people are drinking less.
Thank you, Diana!
Im 2 weeks sober and I just wanna say THANK YOU, this piece has given me the confidence to keep going! I posted a blog writing a letter to myself reminded myself why i dont wanna drink anymore and then I came across this and it just solidified how I feel!
Celebrating your two weeks, Anyeri! And what a wonderful practice, writing that letter as a reminder.
Reading this reminded me of a summer day when my lifelong friends and their daughter (mid 20s) came over to enjoy an afternoon by my pool. The daughter, usually bright and outgoing, was subdued and said very little. My friend told me later that her daughter was hungover, having had just returned from a multi-day bachelorette weekend with drinking (of course) being the main feature of every event. I was quietly dismayed, all the more so because my friends, her parents, were so matter-of-fact about it. Like, this is just one of those experiences you have in your 20s. So normalized. 😕 Thanks so much for your bravery in speaking up against the norm! If enough of us do so, maybe it won’t be shrugged off when our otherwise accomplished and bright adult kids lose a summer day to a hangover.
Thanks so much for sharing, Rayna. It’s wild, how normalized it is to harm oneself with alcohol. Also, you offer a perfect example of why, before declaring alcohol necessary for fun or connecting or feeling better, we might consider the bigger picture and look beyond the immediate high.
Thanks for the great rebuttal to that absurd, deliberately antagonistic article. I bowed down to societal and peer pressure for years over drinking and it nearly killed me. I’m so heartened to hear that Gen Zers are not buying into that pressure. My wish is that everyone recognizes that big alcohol is no different from big tobacco and I think society is starting to see that.
Thanks, Jennifer. And yes! I really do think awareness around alcohol is shifting.
Society, maybe. Not the Free Press though… 😡
Thank you so much for writing this piece. I am Gen-X, and in my opinion, Zoomers’s lower rates of drinking are a vast improvement over the drunken parties that were the norm when I was younger. I am the mom of two Zoomers, and I am grateful that my son is a moderate social drinker (not a binge-drinker or someone who drinks to get drunk) and that my daughter doesn’t drink at all. It’s much healthier that way. It is important to speak up for this choice, especially when there is so much social pressure to get drunk.
Thanks so much for sharing, Mari. Love hearing your perspective, as the mom of Zoomers.