Yes. I wrote a novel and it was published. I fell in love and had a baby and eventually divorced but with gentle kindness. I was able to love my parents without all the rage, I became fearless and now quite old! At 66 I've been sober for 39 years and counting. I grew up, grew strong, grieved and celebrated and wrote (two more novels, tons of essays), taught 1000s of teenagers, watched my son get married and live in gratitude for every moment in this troubled, violent, sad but gorgeous world.
I love this so much. I agree in every way. Sometimes my joy is crawling into bed with a washed face and knowing that any regrets I have about the day are due to choice not by accident.
I am not yet 8 months in but I definitely already feel less anxiety and have less bad mental days. I am also making much better choices - going to bed early so I can read, not numbing with other things like an endless stream of Youtube videos. Although it has not been a perfect 8 months, I just feel more capable and more myself. Like I don't have to try so hard anymore. I can just be and it is enough.
You mention sleep - I'd have to go all the way back to my childhood to recall sleep as good as what I found after about a month of not using alcohol. In terms of joy - it's really all joy now. The joy of being. Of being here. The difficult moments where I am fully present and fully feel. The times when I cry because of a memory or a present happening. I didn't know it was ok to just be. And it is. And it is wonderful.
I used to frequently feel desperation, total despair and anxiety that felt like I was in constant freefall. Since quitting 4 years ago - and the huge amount of inner work I've done in the past 6 years (it took me 18 months to get sober, and a lot of work in that time way beyond just quitting the booze), my life is immeasurably better. I've had huge personal challenges in that time arising from becoming a mother (and sadly I can't say I've had great sleep for most of that time!!), but if I'd been drinking in this time....my God, I don't even want to think about it.
Quitting booze means I have no choice but to be loving to myself when things are tough, and it's allowed me, for the first time in my life, to really BE with my feelings, BE with what's here in a non-judgemental way. Even in the midst of extreme sleep deprivation which took me to dark places, I was able to weather the storm, I didn't drink, and it all passed.
When I discovered Sober Soulful, my reaction was, “I’m not that.”
But I read on, because your writing is more verse than prose. Plus, clarity and honesty are compelling.
I stayed, because I learned. Including much of myself.
Among your lessons was that there are many forms of intoxication. Of escape. Of avoidance. Of dead-end shortcuts through life journeys. And yes, I’m discovering mine.
I studied psychology. Even meditation and mindfulness. But studying isn’t doing. Studying isn’t healing. Study, too, can be an intoxicant.
Last night, when asked to join a group of high-school classmates for dinner, I did. Before Sober Soulful, I would not have.
They asked the questions I feared. I answered. Honestly. Fully.
Time will tell if they’ll invite me again, but my guess is they will. As you prove weekly, clarity and honesty are compelling.
Beautiful post and invitation as ever, Dana! I love the way you describe that deepening of your yoga practice. Being sober from alcohol has really revolutionised my relationship with my body in a completely unexpected way, in that sobriety allowed me to recognise how habitually disembodied I'd been. Exploring that has led me - through many twists and turns - to a much more embodied, day-to-day experience, including being far more present in yoga, in my sex life, and many other places. And it's helped my partner and I recognise and unpick some of the fears we were carrying into social spaces where we were using booze to mask our anxiety and hypervigilance. Recognising that has allowed us to be kinder and more compassionate towards ourselves and each other, and create the permission to be more thoughtful about what we commit to too.
Beautiful. Since I dropped alcohol from my life, I have felt an increased clarity, spaciousness, vitality and receptivity. There is no desire whatsoever to go back to the days of clogging the channels with toxins 😊
Lovely to hear the joyful aspects of your sobriety Dana 🙏 The promises coming true in your life. I affirm all that you presented, especially the relationship stuff. I’ve found that the love for my friends, family members and love partner to have deepened in profound says now that they can trust my affection and my consistent behavior. ❤️
There is so much gold here. Thank you, Dana. I love every part of you that you bring to your writing, whether dark or light. This piece gorgeously highlights the good and beautiful ways a sober life can enhance our days. The biggest one for me that has been the most transforming is accepting that I am the common denominator (YES! Thank you for putting this in here!). When I started getting clear on the role I played up until now, that is when I could finally surrender and see clearer.
When I first sat down with my sponsor she asked me one question, "How free do you want to be?" and that was the beginning of the end of my old life and the start of one beyond my wildest dreams. My biggest joy is that I'm still alive to feel my feelings today and I know they won't kill me or swallow me whole, but running from them will. I did not know this for nearly 40 years. And it's huge! I can feel and I am free.
What a great list, Dana! I wish I had something left to quit -- well, not really.
I used to drink and chain smoke many years ago, and I appreciate physically feeling so much better, and don't miss the emotional extreme highs and lows. I feel so much more level the past few decades.
Actually, I recently became gluten free and my migraine headaches (excruciatingly painful) disappeared.
Next up: sugar. I look forward to seeing what I gain with giving that up.
Dana, thank you for talking about all of the good stuff that happens in sobriety. (And also for your resources and that great list from the doctor). If I had time and a yellow legal pad, it would be full full full of what I love about sobriety. (Ha, I still haven't solved the busy-busy problem, but at least I am writing a Substack about what recovery is like for me - and thank you for the shout out.) But probably the biggest things are a better ability to be present, an awareness of the things that cause me trouble so that I can head them off at the pass when they come up, and the true freedom of honesty and being myself. I always felt like I needed to conform to someone else's idea of me and I really bristled at that. Being me has made me so much happier! Thank you again for all you do for getting the message out to people!
Quitting alcohol almost three years ago gave me the strength to do what I’m doing now, which is taking an undefined break from sex dating and romance. Getting sober laid the groundwork for me to dig deeper into the harder subjects.
This is great- almost exactly my experience but better than I could communicate. I'm 3 years on the Jan 27th, sponsor 6 men and and (usually) happy! No matter how far down the well we have gone, others beneifit from our stories. Some of the worse things that could ever happen to a human I swam through with calm and grace and can now say my 3rd and felony dui and its impact on my life career dating, it was all worth it. Life is so crazy!
Yes. I wrote a novel and it was published. I fell in love and had a baby and eventually divorced but with gentle kindness. I was able to love my parents without all the rage, I became fearless and now quite old! At 66 I've been sober for 39 years and counting. I grew up, grew strong, grieved and celebrated and wrote (two more novels, tons of essays), taught 1000s of teenagers, watched my son get married and live in gratitude for every moment in this troubled, violent, sad but gorgeous world.
I love this so much. I agree in every way. Sometimes my joy is crawling into bed with a washed face and knowing that any regrets I have about the day are due to choice not by accident.
I am not yet 8 months in but I definitely already feel less anxiety and have less bad mental days. I am also making much better choices - going to bed early so I can read, not numbing with other things like an endless stream of Youtube videos. Although it has not been a perfect 8 months, I just feel more capable and more myself. Like I don't have to try so hard anymore. I can just be and it is enough.
You mention sleep - I'd have to go all the way back to my childhood to recall sleep as good as what I found after about a month of not using alcohol. In terms of joy - it's really all joy now. The joy of being. Of being here. The difficult moments where I am fully present and fully feel. The times when I cry because of a memory or a present happening. I didn't know it was ok to just be. And it is. And it is wonderful.
I used to frequently feel desperation, total despair and anxiety that felt like I was in constant freefall. Since quitting 4 years ago - and the huge amount of inner work I've done in the past 6 years (it took me 18 months to get sober, and a lot of work in that time way beyond just quitting the booze), my life is immeasurably better. I've had huge personal challenges in that time arising from becoming a mother (and sadly I can't say I've had great sleep for most of that time!!), but if I'd been drinking in this time....my God, I don't even want to think about it.
Quitting booze means I have no choice but to be loving to myself when things are tough, and it's allowed me, for the first time in my life, to really BE with my feelings, BE with what's here in a non-judgemental way. Even in the midst of extreme sleep deprivation which took me to dark places, I was able to weather the storm, I didn't drink, and it all passed.
I am forever grateful for being alcohol free.
When I discovered Sober Soulful, my reaction was, “I’m not that.”
But I read on, because your writing is more verse than prose. Plus, clarity and honesty are compelling.
I stayed, because I learned. Including much of myself.
Among your lessons was that there are many forms of intoxication. Of escape. Of avoidance. Of dead-end shortcuts through life journeys. And yes, I’m discovering mine.
I studied psychology. Even meditation and mindfulness. But studying isn’t doing. Studying isn’t healing. Study, too, can be an intoxicant.
Last night, when asked to join a group of high-school classmates for dinner, I did. Before Sober Soulful, I would not have.
They asked the questions I feared. I answered. Honestly. Fully.
Time will tell if they’ll invite me again, but my guess is they will. As you prove weekly, clarity and honesty are compelling.
If they don’t, I’ll invite them.
And that is why I read you.
Beautiful post and invitation as ever, Dana! I love the way you describe that deepening of your yoga practice. Being sober from alcohol has really revolutionised my relationship with my body in a completely unexpected way, in that sobriety allowed me to recognise how habitually disembodied I'd been. Exploring that has led me - through many twists and turns - to a much more embodied, day-to-day experience, including being far more present in yoga, in my sex life, and many other places. And it's helped my partner and I recognise and unpick some of the fears we were carrying into social spaces where we were using booze to mask our anxiety and hypervigilance. Recognising that has allowed us to be kinder and more compassionate towards ourselves and each other, and create the permission to be more thoughtful about what we commit to too.
Beautiful. Since I dropped alcohol from my life, I have felt an increased clarity, spaciousness, vitality and receptivity. There is no desire whatsoever to go back to the days of clogging the channels with toxins 😊
Lovely to hear the joyful aspects of your sobriety Dana 🙏 The promises coming true in your life. I affirm all that you presented, especially the relationship stuff. I’ve found that the love for my friends, family members and love partner to have deepened in profound says now that they can trust my affection and my consistent behavior. ❤️
blessings to you.
There is so much gold here. Thank you, Dana. I love every part of you that you bring to your writing, whether dark or light. This piece gorgeously highlights the good and beautiful ways a sober life can enhance our days. The biggest one for me that has been the most transforming is accepting that I am the common denominator (YES! Thank you for putting this in here!). When I started getting clear on the role I played up until now, that is when I could finally surrender and see clearer.
The reflection on Love reminds me of the Chinese Zen master Shitou Xiqian’s statement, “The wide sky does not obstruct the white clouds drifting.”
We might add: or the gray clouds, the black clouds, rain, hail, snow, birds and flying squirrels too.
Thank you for sharing. 🙏
When I first sat down with my sponsor she asked me one question, "How free do you want to be?" and that was the beginning of the end of my old life and the start of one beyond my wildest dreams. My biggest joy is that I'm still alive to feel my feelings today and I know they won't kill me or swallow me whole, but running from them will. I did not know this for nearly 40 years. And it's huge! I can feel and I am free.
What a great list, Dana! I wish I had something left to quit -- well, not really.
I used to drink and chain smoke many years ago, and I appreciate physically feeling so much better, and don't miss the emotional extreme highs and lows. I feel so much more level the past few decades.
Actually, I recently became gluten free and my migraine headaches (excruciatingly painful) disappeared.
Next up: sugar. I look forward to seeing what I gain with giving that up.
Dana, thank you for talking about all of the good stuff that happens in sobriety. (And also for your resources and that great list from the doctor). If I had time and a yellow legal pad, it would be full full full of what I love about sobriety. (Ha, I still haven't solved the busy-busy problem, but at least I am writing a Substack about what recovery is like for me - and thank you for the shout out.) But probably the biggest things are a better ability to be present, an awareness of the things that cause me trouble so that I can head them off at the pass when they come up, and the true freedom of honesty and being myself. I always felt like I needed to conform to someone else's idea of me and I really bristled at that. Being me has made me so much happier! Thank you again for all you do for getting the message out to people!
Quitting alcohol almost three years ago gave me the strength to do what I’m doing now, which is taking an undefined break from sex dating and romance. Getting sober laid the groundwork for me to dig deeper into the harder subjects.
This is great- almost exactly my experience but better than I could communicate. I'm 3 years on the Jan 27th, sponsor 6 men and and (usually) happy! No matter how far down the well we have gone, others beneifit from our stories. Some of the worse things that could ever happen to a human I swam through with calm and grace and can now say my 3rd and felony dui and its impact on my life career dating, it was all worth it. Life is so crazy!