Love this. Such clarity. The tone, the impact of this is like the yang blade cutting away the vagueness...piercing through illusions, allowing the truth to be seen.....
Thank you, Ellen! I love that you used the word "yang" to describe it - I actually described it that way to my editor, Erin. I often hesitate before publishing pieces like this because I know they can be deeply confronting for some. But YES: too much vagueness or wishy-washiness can sometimes (oftentimes) feed the very patterns that harm us. Clarity has an edge, and sometimes you just have to go straight in.
I gave up alcohol for Lent in 1993 and all it did was enhance the illusion that I was in control of my drinking. It gave me permission to drink for another 3 years. Addiction (I include alcoholism in that term) is always playing the long game-- enchanting, patient and cagey. Its ultimate goal is to end your breathing.
Thank you for sharing, Hugh. Heart-sourced recognition for your awareness, clarity, and choice to step out of the game and chose freedom. Cheering you on.
I reflect deeply after each week why I make an intentional choice to sabotage a great eating week - and there I measure it - already a flag. i have 1 homemade clean keto organic brownie only to eat half the batch. Which will lead to a smoothie, and extra food - while all still clean - makes me feel so stuffed and an average human being. And then I start over …. More planning, more food prep… Even though I fast, I also rarely get hungry. I’ve tried freezing, I now make half the batch. I’m not ready for moderation. A cancer diagnosis has helped but the old habits still lurk in the shadows… This pattern has existed for 25 years. I’ve made progress - through ying. But I need more time focused on self rather than hard exercise and food control. But the carrot for me now at 43 is pouring that “wasted” stuck in the last behavior energy into a creative energy.
@dana thank you for writing so honestly. Reading your guides and shared wisdom is in itself the start of retention and therapy… thank you.
Sending so much love, care, and compassion, Jo. I know firsthand how hard it can be to take off the cloak of what’s comforting in its familiarity - even if it also feels miserable or at least extinguishing rather than expansive.
And yet... I don’t believe you’ve wasted anything at all. It’s all part of the journey of humanness, all part of what helps us see other hearts and how they, too, might be struggling. Plus, even *just* noticing our patterns with honesty and clarity already changes the course of things.
And I love, love, love your carrot! Big yes to pouring your energy, focus, and joy into what feels creative, expansive, connecting, and life-giving. Cheering you on. ❤️
What a powerful piece I resonated with your words and sentiment and see how my crutch, moderation is affecting my life. How is "it," affecting my connections, wow!
Dana, I am literally speechless. You nailed it to perfection. True freedom demands choosing excellence over comfortable mediocrity. This is the most influential piece I have read in a long time. So much love to you!
This hit home for me, especially the part about how 'everything in moderation' can be a form of self-deception. I used to think I had my drinking under control, but it was really a cycle of justifying harmful behavior. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that moderation wasn't working. Sometimes, it's not about finding a middle ground, but about having the courage to walk away from what's hurting us completely.
Thank you for sharing, Alexander. I love this so much: "Sometimes, it's not about finding a middle ground, but about having the courage to walk away from what's hurting us completely." Yes.
I mostly agree with you Dana, and when it comes to alcohol consumption that is a hard no for me. However, as a recovering perfectionist, I struggle with the black and white of "all or nothing." I find there is a grey area, and for many things, it's a fine place to be. For me, I like the 80/20 rule, which I apply to my eating habits. If I eat for health 80% of the time, then when holidays come, birthdays, etc, I don't go into a shame spiral over indulging a bit in sweets. Most of the time I don't eat sugar, but I intentionally allow myself some here and there. To me, that's moderation, because 100% abstinence with sugar, for me, only leads to binge eating later, doused in shame.
What matters is the definition of moderation. I think yes, sometimes it means settling for mediocrity, and other times it means meeting yourself where you are with kindness. Alcohol, like soda (imo), doesn't belong in the human body, but there are plenty of things that cause minimal harm and lots of joy when had in moderation. I think, like you say, it's about minimizing harm and noticing your relationship with whatever it is.
But, no matter what we decide is best for us, I do think it’s important to be honest with ourselves. I’ve observed many people - including those in clinical practice who come to me with health concerns - continuing habits that harm their body and mind, all in the name of moderation, or even under the guise of intuitive eating or the 80/20 rule, applied in ways that stray from the original spirit and intent of those practices.
As I mentioned, the same approach to changing patterns won’t work for everyone - whether as relates to food, alcohol or anything else. One person’s medicine can be another’s poison. But in saying that, I also think it’s easy to resist the exact medicine we need because it’s uncomfortable - especially at first.
Ultimately, our body, our spirit, our truest self knows - it knows when moderation is hurting us. Choosing that path doesn’t make us bad, and it’s certainly not a moral failing. But it does come at a cost, and only we can determine whether that cost is worth it.
Agreed. As long as you are honest with yourself and understand your own motivation, that's what matters most. Poison in moderation is still poison, but some behaviors might not need the all or nothing approach. As with everything in life, it depends.
This is everything. I always knew moderation was bullshit, which is why I could never moderate my drinking. I'll be thinking of this piece for a while.
Before opening this read, I purposefully quit/deleted my accounts with Facebook and Instagram. None of it made me feel good about myself and the endless scrolling at night was just draining my soul. When I read your post this morning it felt serendipity-ness (is there such a word? lol). Thanks for writing what you did and sharing it. 💜💜
I’m giving up sugar again, Dana. AGAIN!!! It is 100% the most difficult of all the substances I’ve ever tried to quit. There is little to no support for this one. People are annoyed with me. 🤣and the sugar withdrawal makes me annoyed with people.
Oh, man. I hear you, Julie. Long before I touched alcohol, I was full-on addicted to sugar... which then merged with a full-on addiction to Diet Coke... which I still can’t believe I managed to quit. Some of these substances are engineered to entrap us! Don’t let the annoyed/annoying people get you. Cheering you on.
I’m brand new here. I’m in the same niche. And that was one of the most brilliantly stated pieces I ever seen. Wow.
Thank you so much, Jim! And so glad you’re here - welcome!
Love this. Such clarity. The tone, the impact of this is like the yang blade cutting away the vagueness...piercing through illusions, allowing the truth to be seen.....
Thank you, Ellen! I love that you used the word "yang" to describe it - I actually described it that way to my editor, Erin. I often hesitate before publishing pieces like this because I know they can be deeply confronting for some. But YES: too much vagueness or wishy-washiness can sometimes (oftentimes) feed the very patterns that harm us. Clarity has an edge, and sometimes you just have to go straight in.
I gave up alcohol for Lent in 1993 and all it did was enhance the illusion that I was in control of my drinking. It gave me permission to drink for another 3 years. Addiction (I include alcoholism in that term) is always playing the long game-- enchanting, patient and cagey. Its ultimate goal is to end your breathing.
Thank you for sharing, Hugh. Heart-sourced recognition for your awareness, clarity, and choice to step out of the game and chose freedom. Cheering you on.
I reflect deeply after each week why I make an intentional choice to sabotage a great eating week - and there I measure it - already a flag. i have 1 homemade clean keto organic brownie only to eat half the batch. Which will lead to a smoothie, and extra food - while all still clean - makes me feel so stuffed and an average human being. And then I start over …. More planning, more food prep… Even though I fast, I also rarely get hungry. I’ve tried freezing, I now make half the batch. I’m not ready for moderation. A cancer diagnosis has helped but the old habits still lurk in the shadows… This pattern has existed for 25 years. I’ve made progress - through ying. But I need more time focused on self rather than hard exercise and food control. But the carrot for me now at 43 is pouring that “wasted” stuck in the last behavior energy into a creative energy.
@dana thank you for writing so honestly. Reading your guides and shared wisdom is in itself the start of retention and therapy… thank you.
Sending so much love, care, and compassion, Jo. I know firsthand how hard it can be to take off the cloak of what’s comforting in its familiarity - even if it also feels miserable or at least extinguishing rather than expansive.
And yet... I don’t believe you’ve wasted anything at all. It’s all part of the journey of humanness, all part of what helps us see other hearts and how they, too, might be struggling. Plus, even *just* noticing our patterns with honesty and clarity already changes the course of things.
And I love, love, love your carrot! Big yes to pouring your energy, focus, and joy into what feels creative, expansive, connecting, and life-giving. Cheering you on. ❤️
I like this take. A lot.
Thanks, Bekah!
What a powerful piece I resonated with your words and sentiment and see how my crutch, moderation is affecting my life. How is "it," affecting my connections, wow!
Thank you, Paula!
Dana, I am literally speechless. You nailed it to perfection. True freedom demands choosing excellence over comfortable mediocrity. This is the most influential piece I have read in a long time. So much love to you!
Thank you for your generous words, Srini!
This hit home for me, especially the part about how 'everything in moderation' can be a form of self-deception. I used to think I had my drinking under control, but it was really a cycle of justifying harmful behavior. It took hitting rock bottom for me to realize that moderation wasn't working. Sometimes, it's not about finding a middle ground, but about having the courage to walk away from what's hurting us completely.
Thank you for sharing, Alexander. I love this so much: "Sometimes, it's not about finding a middle ground, but about having the courage to walk away from what's hurting us completely." Yes.
Thank you for sharing.
As I explore my “perfect hunger” , I will definitely be asking myself “does this give rise to quiet pride or secret shame”?
I love hearing how that question resonated, Josaline. I find it to be very telling in my own life. Thank you for sharing!
Everything you've written here is absolute gold Dana! These are such powerful questions to ask ourselves.
Thank you, Ellie! Truly grateful for your presence here and work in the world. ❤️
I mostly agree with you Dana, and when it comes to alcohol consumption that is a hard no for me. However, as a recovering perfectionist, I struggle with the black and white of "all or nothing." I find there is a grey area, and for many things, it's a fine place to be. For me, I like the 80/20 rule, which I apply to my eating habits. If I eat for health 80% of the time, then when holidays come, birthdays, etc, I don't go into a shame spiral over indulging a bit in sweets. Most of the time I don't eat sugar, but I intentionally allow myself some here and there. To me, that's moderation, because 100% abstinence with sugar, for me, only leads to binge eating later, doused in shame.
What matters is the definition of moderation. I think yes, sometimes it means settling for mediocrity, and other times it means meeting yourself where you are with kindness. Alcohol, like soda (imo), doesn't belong in the human body, but there are plenty of things that cause minimal harm and lots of joy when had in moderation. I think, like you say, it's about minimizing harm and noticing your relationship with whatever it is.
Thank you for sharing, Janine. I agree with you that it doesn’t have to be all or nothing (as discussed in the second part of this essay). I explore this topic further as relates to food (and my personal eating choices) here: https://danaleighlyons.substack.com/p/9-ways-to-quiet-food-noise-without-ozempic
But, no matter what we decide is best for us, I do think it’s important to be honest with ourselves. I’ve observed many people - including those in clinical practice who come to me with health concerns - continuing habits that harm their body and mind, all in the name of moderation, or even under the guise of intuitive eating or the 80/20 rule, applied in ways that stray from the original spirit and intent of those practices.
As I mentioned, the same approach to changing patterns won’t work for everyone - whether as relates to food, alcohol or anything else. One person’s medicine can be another’s poison. But in saying that, I also think it’s easy to resist the exact medicine we need because it’s uncomfortable - especially at first.
Ultimately, our body, our spirit, our truest self knows - it knows when moderation is hurting us. Choosing that path doesn’t make us bad, and it’s certainly not a moral failing. But it does come at a cost, and only we can determine whether that cost is worth it.
Also, to be clear, my issue isn’t with having certain things in moderation... it’s with the adage: EVERYTHING in moderation.
Agreed. As long as you are honest with yourself and understand your own motivation, that's what matters most. Poison in moderation is still poison, but some behaviors might not need the all or nothing approach. As with everything in life, it depends.
Not gonna lie: the title triggered me but by the end of the article, I was absolutely agreeing with your point. Nice one! :)
Thank you for sticking around til the end, Maverique! Lots of hearts to you!
What a great post, a lot to reflect upon here 🙏🏽🌻💕
Thank you, Lucy! Hearts to you!
This is everything. I always knew moderation was bullshit, which is why I could never moderate my drinking. I'll be thinking of this piece for a while.
Thank you, Christopher. Here’s to living more beautifully.
Before opening this read, I purposefully quit/deleted my accounts with Facebook and Instagram. None of it made me feel good about myself and the endless scrolling at night was just draining my soul. When I read your post this morning it felt serendipity-ness (is there such a word? lol). Thanks for writing what you did and sharing it. 💜💜
Yay! Wishing you clarity, serenity, and plenty of space for what nourishes your soul, Amy. Serendipity-ness, indeed! ❤️
I’m giving up sugar again, Dana. AGAIN!!! It is 100% the most difficult of all the substances I’ve ever tried to quit. There is little to no support for this one. People are annoyed with me. 🤣and the sugar withdrawal makes me annoyed with people.
Oh, man. I hear you, Julie. Long before I touched alcohol, I was full-on addicted to sugar... which then merged with a full-on addiction to Diet Coke... which I still can’t believe I managed to quit. Some of these substances are engineered to entrap us! Don’t let the annoyed/annoying people get you. Cheering you on.