There is so much to sit with in your writing, Dana -- truly grateful for this piece.
First of all, I love what you shared about your nightly reflective practice and the question at the heart of it -- how can I live a more beautiful life. That really touches me.
And I can relate to all you described about addictive patterns in play with online behavior, consuming, scrolling. I can't say I've figured a completely 'mindful' way of being on these platforms. I've greatly reduced Facebook and Instagram, and find time here on Substack more nourishing for my soul -- and yet. The same tendencies crop up -- the endless scrolling seeking for something, perhaps to fill an empty hole in my soul; the disappointment when not enough people 'like' something I did; the craving for 'more.'
I started out here trying to dedicate one time week, usually Sunday morning, to read through articles I had saved, much like I used to do long long ago before there was much internet and I enjoyed the Sunday New York Times with a cup of coffee. But it's so easy to slip. And it doesn't feel very wholesome, to use that word in its least judgmental context. It doesn't feel like I'm a whole being, it feels like I've been kidnapped by bots or something. Maybe that's the struggle of our times, to stay human in an increasingly digital world. And as you so skillfully describe, to actively engage with our addictions and to heal. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this wisdom Dana... Much for me to reflect on here, so much I relate to. I will read this many times I think... I have noticed this lately how my online consumption is like an assault on my senses of information - and yet I so often use it as a way to take 'a quick break', often from parenting e.g. when my son is watching TV for 10 mins. I often don't have long enough to do yoga or sink into a meditation (but if I'm being truly honest - would I/do I do that even when I'm not looking after my son e.g. I DO have time), so I just go on Substack or Instagram or YouTube or check my emails and it's just an immediate overwhelming assault of images, words, ideas, videos, information... Just WAY too much for my brain to process. It make my body feel so tense and stressed and like you - my brain just buzzing, trying to make sense of it all.
And also, I try to bring myself compassion. Just like with any addiction: it's just an innocent, misguided attempt to get my needs met. And I can change. Just like I unhooked myself from alcohol - something I used to never think would be possible - I hope I can move away, with love, from using online content to soothe myself.
AND - also love your words about how we're always trying to fix ourselves.. I am always looking for the next book, podcast, practice that will FINALLY fix me, make me whole, make me a 'good' person worthy of love.... And of course, that's not possible, that's not how it works. And being the journey to being truly whole is the journey of acceptance of what is, everything, all of me, that is here right now.
Dana, thank you so much, there is so much light coming through this piece. It has hit me straight in the places that know, the places that need attention. My facebook time is purposeful, I have a private group of 160 women where I simply post 3 recovery readings each morning, my sponsees share as well and then I'm out. 10 minutes max) even that feels draining but I continue because I know it has value. The instant I hit Instagram I feel like I've dipped myself in a vast of poisoned depression. I will look occasionally, I used to spend up to 2 hours but that is almost out the door.
What you wrote about settle in the evening, the way you got through your layers to get to your heart is HUGE. I have a small morning practice. I get still and connect before I do anything. Nothing comes before I've opened the door to God to walk into my day before I do.
When I first found Substack it felt SO nourishing and in a way it still does but I am struggling with notes and the little orange notification lights up my inner addict the same way facebook and instagram did so I am right smack dab in the middle of navigating that around my soul as I work to create content. I made the choice to go paywall free and am trying to write a book at the same time. I am very new so feel at times scattered and all consumed by the scroll. If I'm not scrolling, I'm reading or walking on the trails with my partner and my pups so there is balance but...that word frenetic...yes...it is the frenetic that I am no longer willing to live with. I know I will not have either the inner or outer life if the frenetic is present. So I strive for balance, offering, and gratitude. These 3 guideposts tend to, most days, keep me on the path that leads to peace and tranquility.
This is a piece that will be reread...more than once...I want to metabolize it...my soul followed it, then my heart, then my mind. It was incredibly powerful and I thank you so much💓
My being online too long means (literal) physical signs, like a sore shoulder and strained eyes. Depending on platform, it can also mean a bad mood, exhaustion, being frazzled, or any combination of the above.
I finally had to declare “platform bankruptcy.” That primarily meant exiting FB and some online forums I was living in, but also a lot less time on IG & Twitter. Now I use Feedly to aggregate RSS feeds and get my news, and am much more intentional with social media.
Like you, it’s definitely a “progress not perfection” scenario, but even just adding a little friction like having to log in on a lap top has made a huge difference in my state of mind.
i could not relate more. I wish i had answers. I was once told by a wise person that asking the right questions is more important though, and that you are doing. Thank you for sharing this.
Another exquisite piece of writing, and one that speaks so deeply to all I've experienced in the past few months. As you might remember, my black dog made itself painfully visible when I stepped away from the lure of social media and stopped numbing my pain with endless scrolling. I'm definitely better away from social media, but the endless consumption hasn't ended. There are plenty of other online sources of distraction and numbing, and I know that I still battle a technology addicted part of my being.
My physiotherapist assured me the other day that all the physical problems I am currently experiencing on top of the mental challenges that are weighing me down are all connected, that I am 'Chronically stressed and burnt out", and that what I need more than anything is to reduce the demands on my brain and allow myself 'kick ass rest'.
But it's so hard. I wrote a note to myself today that said "Self care isn't meant to be an endless to-do list of things you have to do to be well, it is supposed to be rooted in self compassion, not demands", and then proceeded to list all the things that I "could" do. It very quickly started to look like a todo list!
You only have to be online for about 5 minutes to see something about the 'BEST' self care tips, and add another item to the list of things you think you have to do. It's exhausting, and I often think that what I really need most of all right now is a week in the woods with no technology at all, and a chance to reset my brain and body completely, But in the meantime, I think I need to remind myself that "you’re not a problem to solve. You’re a human, being and becoming. You will keep being and becoming until your last breath.", and let myself slow down more.
It's not easy in this addiction driven world we inhabit, but it's the only way. Tech is working more and more against what our bodies, minds, nervous systems and community wellbeing need. Fighting that and reclaiming stillness, space and time away from it feels like a very radical, vital act of self care, maybe THE most important self care practice we can bring into life.
Oooof. Something just shifted for me while reading this essay. Thank you, Dana. 🙏🏼
Even with diligent curating, consuming others content still pulls me away from me.
When I first quit alcohol, I thought I could get sober my osmosis. I was reading /listening to all the quit lit and all the sober podcasts thinking that was the answer. The cure. I did this for at least 18 months (I still lean too much into this). It wasn’t until I got quiet - turned the volume down on everything- that I finally felt free.
I love these reflections Dana, and relate to this so much. I've carved out a simple, quiet, slow-living lifestyle on the whole, but like you, the thing that robs my inner peace is too much time scrolling. It feels like indigestion - when you've consumed more than you can process and integrate. Sometimes I just have to step away (and do) but then I feel disconnected, out-of-touch and a sense of FOMO (especially here on Substack!) It's an ongoing calibration, trying to find the balance that feeds me without overwhelming me and disconnecting me from myself....
Real synchronicity for me here. I was visiting a friend today, and we were exploring this topic, and both recognised that we scroll in the evenings when what we are really looking for is connection, we see this, we decide to stop, we cut back, but really we both felt we bargain with an addiction, because we noticed that when we stop cold turkey, thinking our creativity will flow, it doesn’t, and we seem to lose our mojo, we both experience this. For myself I see this over and again and each time I think, this time I will address it. And what I have realised is, that while I don’t scroll much any more, and have become very choosy about what I allow to pass into my senses, I do still scroll, because an addiction has developed. I said to my friend, I felt I needed to turn all screens off at the end of the working day, and that I felt I would meet that lack of mojo, that flatness, which I think is just a cold turkey phase I have to go through, if I want to come out the other side, and get my creativity properly flowing again.
I love everything about this and agree whole heartedly. I think the problem of scale and velocity is going to be exponentially worsened by AI, so as I’ve argued, we need to divest and ask for alternatives that do not do this to our psyche/or as you say so beautifully: our souls. I am off social media completely now (substack is my last attempt at having a place to write that doesn’t become facebook, we’ll see!) I miss the good things in social media but to cope I try to recreate them elsewhere where they were before: new ways to seek information, community and expression. Of course they’re actually just the old ways… I hope it gets less hard as more of us do it?
Thank you for this. I remember there was a time when I would have flashing lights on my eyelids - phantom instagram scrolling before I slept. I still have a long way to go. I gave up Insta for podcast, and damn if every other podcast isn't how you can be better - or do better - or live longer. Even here on substack. Deep breath. This morning I ran under geese going south for the day. That helps.
So much here. I too practice yoga, meditation, and journaling. On the days that I make time for myself on the mat it can be exactly what my soul needs. When I force myself on, sometimes it feels like one more thing I need to do and adds to my stress. I am definitely moving away from IG and FB. I post there for my business, but find myself less and less interested in the scroll. I am more interested in connection, and there is so little of it in those spaces.
As a Type A, recovering perfectionist, who for many years used "busy" as an addiction and way to numb and avoid my feelings, I find what I need most is space. Space between activities, space in my mind, space on my mat, space in my physical surroundings. When my room is a mess, so is my mind. When I pause to put away 3 loads of clean laundry, I can somehow breathe again.
Coming to my mat only helps when I feel called to be there. If I force myself to my mat, it rarely gives me what I need because my mind resists. In those times, what I need most is rest.
Sometimes an article is written and it's like you are speaking directly to me because this is exactly how I've been feeling for a while. I don't have the energy or desire to write my own Substacks and I'm finding it harder and harder to engage with other peoples. I am strung out from Substack and being online. I think I need a break.
I was just spiraling a bit thinking about how it's been weeks since I opened Instagram - worried I am missing out on the collective spinning of the digital world - to find this post at the top of my feed. Lovely reminder of why I prefer Substack, yet I too find myself negotiating the consumption-cycle on here. Consumption is consumption, stillness is stillness. I was thinking of writing a post about when too much self-help becomes unhelpful, noticing how immediately I put on a podcast, read something, consume something, but 'it's okay because it's educating me!'
I didn't realize it until you asked whether the scroll stops once I step away, but that was another piece of the content creation hamster wheel I found exhausting (especially for Instagram, since the production volume is larger), but I still feel even on Substack - the constant translation of lived experience into potential content takes a toll. I don't have answers, either, but at least we have space and willingness to ask the questions. ✨
There is so much to sit with in your writing, Dana -- truly grateful for this piece.
First of all, I love what you shared about your nightly reflective practice and the question at the heart of it -- how can I live a more beautiful life. That really touches me.
And I can relate to all you described about addictive patterns in play with online behavior, consuming, scrolling. I can't say I've figured a completely 'mindful' way of being on these platforms. I've greatly reduced Facebook and Instagram, and find time here on Substack more nourishing for my soul -- and yet. The same tendencies crop up -- the endless scrolling seeking for something, perhaps to fill an empty hole in my soul; the disappointment when not enough people 'like' something I did; the craving for 'more.'
I started out here trying to dedicate one time week, usually Sunday morning, to read through articles I had saved, much like I used to do long long ago before there was much internet and I enjoyed the Sunday New York Times with a cup of coffee. But it's so easy to slip. And it doesn't feel very wholesome, to use that word in its least judgmental context. It doesn't feel like I'm a whole being, it feels like I've been kidnapped by bots or something. Maybe that's the struggle of our times, to stay human in an increasingly digital world. And as you so skillfully describe, to actively engage with our addictions and to heal. Thank you.
Thank you so much for this wisdom Dana... Much for me to reflect on here, so much I relate to. I will read this many times I think... I have noticed this lately how my online consumption is like an assault on my senses of information - and yet I so often use it as a way to take 'a quick break', often from parenting e.g. when my son is watching TV for 10 mins. I often don't have long enough to do yoga or sink into a meditation (but if I'm being truly honest - would I/do I do that even when I'm not looking after my son e.g. I DO have time), so I just go on Substack or Instagram or YouTube or check my emails and it's just an immediate overwhelming assault of images, words, ideas, videos, information... Just WAY too much for my brain to process. It make my body feel so tense and stressed and like you - my brain just buzzing, trying to make sense of it all.
And also, I try to bring myself compassion. Just like with any addiction: it's just an innocent, misguided attempt to get my needs met. And I can change. Just like I unhooked myself from alcohol - something I used to never think would be possible - I hope I can move away, with love, from using online content to soothe myself.
AND - also love your words about how we're always trying to fix ourselves.. I am always looking for the next book, podcast, practice that will FINALLY fix me, make me whole, make me a 'good' person worthy of love.... And of course, that's not possible, that's not how it works. And being the journey to being truly whole is the journey of acceptance of what is, everything, all of me, that is here right now.
Dana, thank you so much, there is so much light coming through this piece. It has hit me straight in the places that know, the places that need attention. My facebook time is purposeful, I have a private group of 160 women where I simply post 3 recovery readings each morning, my sponsees share as well and then I'm out. 10 minutes max) even that feels draining but I continue because I know it has value. The instant I hit Instagram I feel like I've dipped myself in a vast of poisoned depression. I will look occasionally, I used to spend up to 2 hours but that is almost out the door.
What you wrote about settle in the evening, the way you got through your layers to get to your heart is HUGE. I have a small morning practice. I get still and connect before I do anything. Nothing comes before I've opened the door to God to walk into my day before I do.
When I first found Substack it felt SO nourishing and in a way it still does but I am struggling with notes and the little orange notification lights up my inner addict the same way facebook and instagram did so I am right smack dab in the middle of navigating that around my soul as I work to create content. I made the choice to go paywall free and am trying to write a book at the same time. I am very new so feel at times scattered and all consumed by the scroll. If I'm not scrolling, I'm reading or walking on the trails with my partner and my pups so there is balance but...that word frenetic...yes...it is the frenetic that I am no longer willing to live with. I know I will not have either the inner or outer life if the frenetic is present. So I strive for balance, offering, and gratitude. These 3 guideposts tend to, most days, keep me on the path that leads to peace and tranquility.
This is a piece that will be reread...more than once...I want to metabolize it...my soul followed it, then my heart, then my mind. It was incredibly powerful and I thank you so much💓
Beautiful contemplation on the soul and the scroll and the impact in stepping away. I find I’m always navigating the brink of “too
Much” of myself online.
My being online too long means (literal) physical signs, like a sore shoulder and strained eyes. Depending on platform, it can also mean a bad mood, exhaustion, being frazzled, or any combination of the above.
I finally had to declare “platform bankruptcy.” That primarily meant exiting FB and some online forums I was living in, but also a lot less time on IG & Twitter. Now I use Feedly to aggregate RSS feeds and get my news, and am much more intentional with social media.
Like you, it’s definitely a “progress not perfection” scenario, but even just adding a little friction like having to log in on a lap top has made a huge difference in my state of mind.
i could not relate more. I wish i had answers. I was once told by a wise person that asking the right questions is more important though, and that you are doing. Thank you for sharing this.
Another exquisite piece of writing, and one that speaks so deeply to all I've experienced in the past few months. As you might remember, my black dog made itself painfully visible when I stepped away from the lure of social media and stopped numbing my pain with endless scrolling. I'm definitely better away from social media, but the endless consumption hasn't ended. There are plenty of other online sources of distraction and numbing, and I know that I still battle a technology addicted part of my being.
My physiotherapist assured me the other day that all the physical problems I am currently experiencing on top of the mental challenges that are weighing me down are all connected, that I am 'Chronically stressed and burnt out", and that what I need more than anything is to reduce the demands on my brain and allow myself 'kick ass rest'.
But it's so hard. I wrote a note to myself today that said "Self care isn't meant to be an endless to-do list of things you have to do to be well, it is supposed to be rooted in self compassion, not demands", and then proceeded to list all the things that I "could" do. It very quickly started to look like a todo list!
You only have to be online for about 5 minutes to see something about the 'BEST' self care tips, and add another item to the list of things you think you have to do. It's exhausting, and I often think that what I really need most of all right now is a week in the woods with no technology at all, and a chance to reset my brain and body completely, But in the meantime, I think I need to remind myself that "you’re not a problem to solve. You’re a human, being and becoming. You will keep being and becoming until your last breath.", and let myself slow down more.
It's not easy in this addiction driven world we inhabit, but it's the only way. Tech is working more and more against what our bodies, minds, nervous systems and community wellbeing need. Fighting that and reclaiming stillness, space and time away from it feels like a very radical, vital act of self care, maybe THE most important self care practice we can bring into life.
Oooof. Something just shifted for me while reading this essay. Thank you, Dana. 🙏🏼
Even with diligent curating, consuming others content still pulls me away from me.
When I first quit alcohol, I thought I could get sober my osmosis. I was reading /listening to all the quit lit and all the sober podcasts thinking that was the answer. The cure. I did this for at least 18 months (I still lean too much into this). It wasn’t until I got quiet - turned the volume down on everything- that I finally felt free.
Thanks for writing this.
“Urgency is a destroyer”
So true. I’ve learned so much about pace—and about getting to things in their own time—not on the proposed schedule of others. So hard yet so healing.
Thanks Dana for the thoughtful discussion about self-intervention.
I love these reflections Dana, and relate to this so much. I've carved out a simple, quiet, slow-living lifestyle on the whole, but like you, the thing that robs my inner peace is too much time scrolling. It feels like indigestion - when you've consumed more than you can process and integrate. Sometimes I just have to step away (and do) but then I feel disconnected, out-of-touch and a sense of FOMO (especially here on Substack!) It's an ongoing calibration, trying to find the balance that feeds me without overwhelming me and disconnecting me from myself....
Real synchronicity for me here. I was visiting a friend today, and we were exploring this topic, and both recognised that we scroll in the evenings when what we are really looking for is connection, we see this, we decide to stop, we cut back, but really we both felt we bargain with an addiction, because we noticed that when we stop cold turkey, thinking our creativity will flow, it doesn’t, and we seem to lose our mojo, we both experience this. For myself I see this over and again and each time I think, this time I will address it. And what I have realised is, that while I don’t scroll much any more, and have become very choosy about what I allow to pass into my senses, I do still scroll, because an addiction has developed. I said to my friend, I felt I needed to turn all screens off at the end of the working day, and that I felt I would meet that lack of mojo, that flatness, which I think is just a cold turkey phase I have to go through, if I want to come out the other side, and get my creativity properly flowing again.
I love everything about this and agree whole heartedly. I think the problem of scale and velocity is going to be exponentially worsened by AI, so as I’ve argued, we need to divest and ask for alternatives that do not do this to our psyche/or as you say so beautifully: our souls. I am off social media completely now (substack is my last attempt at having a place to write that doesn’t become facebook, we’ll see!) I miss the good things in social media but to cope I try to recreate them elsewhere where they were before: new ways to seek information, community and expression. Of course they’re actually just the old ways… I hope it gets less hard as more of us do it?
Thank you for this. I remember there was a time when I would have flashing lights on my eyelids - phantom instagram scrolling before I slept. I still have a long way to go. I gave up Insta for podcast, and damn if every other podcast isn't how you can be better - or do better - or live longer. Even here on substack. Deep breath. This morning I ran under geese going south for the day. That helps.
So much here. I too practice yoga, meditation, and journaling. On the days that I make time for myself on the mat it can be exactly what my soul needs. When I force myself on, sometimes it feels like one more thing I need to do and adds to my stress. I am definitely moving away from IG and FB. I post there for my business, but find myself less and less interested in the scroll. I am more interested in connection, and there is so little of it in those spaces.
As a Type A, recovering perfectionist, who for many years used "busy" as an addiction and way to numb and avoid my feelings, I find what I need most is space. Space between activities, space in my mind, space on my mat, space in my physical surroundings. When my room is a mess, so is my mind. When I pause to put away 3 loads of clean laundry, I can somehow breathe again.
Coming to my mat only helps when I feel called to be there. If I force myself to my mat, it rarely gives me what I need because my mind resists. In those times, what I need most is rest.
Sometimes an article is written and it's like you are speaking directly to me because this is exactly how I've been feeling for a while. I don't have the energy or desire to write my own Substacks and I'm finding it harder and harder to engage with other peoples. I am strung out from Substack and being online. I think I need a break.
Thank you, Dana. 🖤
I was just spiraling a bit thinking about how it's been weeks since I opened Instagram - worried I am missing out on the collective spinning of the digital world - to find this post at the top of my feed. Lovely reminder of why I prefer Substack, yet I too find myself negotiating the consumption-cycle on here. Consumption is consumption, stillness is stillness. I was thinking of writing a post about when too much self-help becomes unhelpful, noticing how immediately I put on a podcast, read something, consume something, but 'it's okay because it's educating me!'
I didn't realize it until you asked whether the scroll stops once I step away, but that was another piece of the content creation hamster wheel I found exhausting (especially for Instagram, since the production volume is larger), but I still feel even on Substack - the constant translation of lived experience into potential content takes a toll. I don't have answers, either, but at least we have space and willingness to ask the questions. ✨