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Drinking While Dreaming: I’m sober. Why do I have dreams about drinking alcohol? https://danaleighlyons.substack.com/p/sober-dreams-about-drinking-alcohol

***This letter & link-up is from my paywalled Sobriety Series; I’m unlocking it for the next 48 hours as part of this month’s pop-up. ❤️

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Loved this so much. All of it! I began to occasionally have drinking dreams in which I turned down the drink or drug which I think is how recovery moves into our unconscious - that said, it’s never linear but a spiral of moving deeper and deeper beneath the unconscious. It’s so normal to have these dreams and so helpful to have this guidance. Thank you.

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Thanks for sharing and for your kind words, Kelly. Love that and agree - a spiral moving deeper and deeper...

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I rarely have them, but by chance I had one last night that I forgot all about until I saw your post! I am pretty sure it is related to #1 in your essay. In the throes of concluding that I need to decrease caffeine and sugar, while still having some rationalization occurring.

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Wow is the caffeine thing alive for me at the moment. I go through phases of cutting back, but this is not one of those phases!

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I am bonkers for caffeine. Sugar and caffeine have been massive for me in sobriety.

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I have read many of the pieces linked in this thread. Apologies for what might seem to be perfunctory engagement with a 'heart' but it is not due to lack of personal engagement. It's not much but I will offer up this. The discussion on dreams is interesting but I warn you that my take on this may seem mundane.

To lose something in your life that filled a hole is a bereavement. Doing long-term damage is always a trade-off for short-term benefits so being sober is a reverse-trade. It is more difficult because the benefits are initially deferred.

I think that somehow this will lead to grief over the loss. So like a dead relative it will sometimes come back in dreams when all your logical functions are shut down. Incidentally, this is why even the most bizarre dreams make sense when you are asleep, because you need to be awake to recognise they are absurd. A bit like sobriety perhaps.

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This is PERFECTLY timed for me as I've had a series of drinking dreams lately which is very unlike me. So looking forward to diving into this one... I've definitely been seeing mine as a clue that I'm feeling a bit overwhelmed in my waking world, not in a way which would compromise my sobriety but perhaps familiar in terms of how I often felt when I was drinking. Thanks as ever for your generosity in sharing, Dana!

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So lovely to see you here, Jane! Thank you for sharing, and so many hearts to you!

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Drinking dreams have been one of the most surprising (and unsettling) aspects of sobriety for me. It's crazy to feel so free from your addiction but still have such visceral dreams about it!

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I, too, have had these dreams from time to time. In them, I usually know that I still feel a certain way about drinking, yet I do it anyway. Upon waking up, I immediately feel so grateful that it was just a dream and that I am again, awake, in all ways.

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It’s the sort of nightmare I’m grateful to wake up from!

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Absolutely. One thousand percent.

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Thank you Dana as always for drawing so much attention to all of us sober writers - so grateful. So, I’m offering up an essay about genetic/generational drinking - the story of my grandmother’s tragic death from drinking. I reposted this recently for recovery month. https://open.substack.com/pub/susiemiddleton/p/skipping-generations-or-not?r=c8p3k&utm_medium=ios

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Thank you for your beautiful presence and writing, Susie! I’m captivated by the topic of intergenerational patterns, including as relates to drinking. Such patterns are a monumental part of my own story, in ways known and unknown.

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I’m sure there is so much we can’t even begin to fathom !

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Hello everyone. I have been sober for the last 14 years and recently joined Substack to share some of my writing. I'm loving reading all great writing out there, especially people's spiritual and sober journeys. Here is my most recent post on meditation and why that is so important in my recovery.

https://open.substack.com/pub/priscillaharvey1/p/how-ten-days-in-silent-meditation?r=hc37a&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

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So glad you’re here, Priscilla! Your post is such a beautiful testament to meditation and the gifts of learning to stay with a practice.

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Thank you. ❤️

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Hello everyone! Dana, thanks so much for holding space. I'm Madeleine from Vancouver BC and have been very happily sober (from alcohol; I'm still working on sugar, social media and my phone lol) for 3.5 years. Writing has been a huge part of my recovery, and I mostly craft longform essays on Medium, however am starting to gently dip my toes into Substack. Here is my most recent essay, The Joy of Edge (yes that is a cheeky play on another famous 'Joy of' book.) Enjoy! https://medium.com/@madeleineshawgreatergood/the-joy-of-edge-e3a65a30b4aa

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Thanks for being here and sharing, Madeleine! I used to live in BC (first Nelson, then Vic, then Salt Spring Island).

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Thanks for this, Dana. Here's a story exploring where alcohol took me - and where I am now (in a much better place): https://medium.com/the-maize/when-i-bought-my-car-i-didnt-know-i-d-be-sleeping-in-it-a5eeda5e3e21?sk=40958d9bd165eed0a94eebdc0a40ef91

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Loved getting this raw, honest window into your journey, Andy. And love that you still drive that car. ❤️

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Thanks, Dana - that car has seen a lot! Gotta love it!

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Hi All, here’s a link to my latest piece. It’s a short celebration into 6 months of no gambling whilst looking at how to actually quit in the first place. Thanks!

https://open.substack.com/pub/edsgamblingjourney/p/i-bet-i-can-do-another-6-months?r=4b0138&utm_medium=ios

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Thanks for sharing, Ed. Love this line, and cheering you on: “When it all came to an end, I could feel it in my heart that this not only needed to stop, but I’d never wanted anything as strongly in my life.”

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Thanks as always, Dana. I’m so glad I found this community and all the work you do in bringing us together. Keep going, we all appreciate you!

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Thank you, Ed. Grateful for your presence here!

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Love this - the wanting to stop. For me, I knew my alcohol use was out of control - and, I needed to stop - but didn't want to. After about a year of struggling with quitting, I finally WANTED to - at least enough to ask for and accept some help. I'm very glad I did - that my life is different now and no longer includes a reliance on alcohol. Congrats to you for taking this important step!

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Thanks, Andy. It means the world when people read my stuff on here. Once the help comes into your life, that wanting to quit feeling wraps around you like a thick, warm blanket fighting the cold. Congrats to you for battling through the difficulties of quitting and getting help.

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Thanks, Ed.

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I’m a little o er 5 years sober (this time) and currently live in LA. When I feel anger and resentment affecting me too much I have a tendency to think of it like resisting the Dark Side from Star Wars (we all have our quirks!)

https://open.substack.com/pub/chrisfalk/p/may-the-force-be-with-you?r=abhc2&utm_medium=ios

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Love this! May the force be with you!

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Hi beautiful community! I live a bit south of Seattle, WA. I put my heart into this piece. Remembering how I went from buzzed to drunk, anxious to completely overwhelmed on what should have been one of the happiest days of my life was not easy! I am fast approaching 2 yrs sober on Nov 4. https://marialuzorourke.substack.com/p/my-dog-made-over-my-life-040?r=ej3bv

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As a full-on cat person, I didn’t expect to be tearing up over an essay about a dog just a few paragraphs in. But here we are. ❤️

Also, you might want to connect with Allison Deraney, another sober writer and bright spirit whose dog has played a beautiful, healing role in her journey.

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Hello friends! Today marks 18 months of sobriety is and it’s been an incredible experience. I detail all the lessons I’ve learned along the way in my newsletter. My most recent post is about the importance of understanding the difference between guilt and shame in your recovery journey.

https://open.substack.com/pub/thegreatreality/p/exploring-the-not-so-subtle-distinctions?r=3zeirc&utm_medium=ios

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Celebrating your 18 months, Chandni! And what an intriguing exploration - such an important topic.

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Hi everyone! I am in sunny San Diego and this is my first month on Substack. I created a Sober September series called “What I Wish I Knew Sooner About Alcohol”, and this is my latest post: https://open.substack.com/pub/hypegirlhealing/p/sober-september-series-what-i-wish-03e?r=4cgsf7&utm_medium=ios

So happy to be here with all of you!

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Love the side-by-side of your mornings drinking vs. sober. I treasure and savour my mornings so much in sobriety. Thank you for being here and sharing!

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Thank you for adding me- what an honor to be listed next to so many incredible humans who do this work ♥️♥️

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You’re so welcome! Thank you for your writing and work in the world! ❤️

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🥰🥰

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Hello, soulful souls. My name is Marya Hornbacher. I’m an author and a longform reporter, but I’ve written a good bit about recovery, including a book called Waiting: A Nonbeliever’s Higher Power (Hazelden Publishing). Amazon link below but plz consider purchasing a copy used or from an indie bookseller or checking it out of a library. Thank you for this thread, Dana!

Waiting: A Nonbeliever's Higher Power https://a.co/d/bmhPdhZ

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So grateful for your perspective. Language can be so limiting and the way you move words beyond that is so helpful and meaningful. 🫶

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Kelly, I am so damn tickled to have found you and your work here 💜

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Haha see? The way you say tickled tickles me. I think we share roots.

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I just bought your book and started reading it. Wow! I got sober 20 years ago through AA and NA and I have always had issues with the Judaeo-Christian language of both programs' literature, not to mention the dogma of too many of the members. I "tried on" different versions of "God" for what feels like five years before I finally embraced that this thing is working despite the fact that I never did "come to believe." I thought Walsch's "Conversations with God" was going to do it for me, but by the time I got to Book 3, it became so much self-serving pablum. Now I'm that guy who refuses to say the "Lord's Prayer," who always speaks out in opposition to shares to the effect of "you gotta find a God," who reaches out to newcomers who are struggling like I did. And, now, I have this - a new resource to direct those who need clarity on how to make a program that arguably works, work for them. Thank you.

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Michael, thank you so much for this note!! That’s honestly why I wrote the book—a very similar experience, and a common one, too. I appreciate hearing from you!

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Thank you for sharing, Marya! I’m obsessed with your writing here on Substack and am thrilled to learn of your book!

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So glad we’ve crossed paths here!!

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Hello! I am an addict in recovery with 2.5 wonderful years under my belt. I'm going to share this piece which is about my mother's addiction and how it shaped my relationship with her. I am working hard and hoping that my daughter will be the first in a long line of women to be free of this terrible disorder. And if she does have struggles, I will be able to help her. Much love to everyone here, especially those who are beginning treatment. The general population does not understand how much valour and commitment it takes, but we do. Nothing is more important than sticking with it. You can do it. XXX

https://open.substack.com/pub/honestlywritten/p/my-mother-loves-me-i-just-dont-believe?r=38s6n0&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

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Powerful essay! I will share!

“There were enough I Love Yous, but little real love.

It was not their fault that they were this way, of course. They were but travelers caught in a perfect storm.”

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Hello. I am Michael Vigne, a Brit living in NC. I usually write long-form content. This is the only poem I have ever published on here and it is called "The Word Is Little" (despite the confusing post heading). It is addiction-adjacent and about learned patterns of dysfunction and mental illness. I do admire your experiment so this is my 'little' contribution - but I will say upfront I am not a joiner of clubs. Good luck Dana and best wishes for all those you are helping. https://michaelvigne.substack.com/p/nesting-dysfunction?r=2bzb33

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Thanks for being here, Michael!

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It looks like it was a great success. Well done.

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Thanks so much for making this space available, Dana! Such a generous and loving thing to do, and such a range of beautiful, wise reflections being shared, it's a real treasure trove!

I'm no longer sharing my writing on Substack, so I hope it's allowed to link out to my own personal website... if so, here's a piece of writing about my relationship with chaos and adrenaline and how they connected to my relationship with alcohol: https://janeclairebradley.com/blog/two-years-sober/

It's a few years old (I'm just over five years sober now), but it's one I came resdiscovered while doing some consolidating of my writing from various online homes into one place so it's nice to have the chance to share it again!

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Thank you for being here and for sharing your website, Jane! And it’s always such a treat to receive the updates and links in your (non-Substack) email newsletter. Hearts and gratitude to you!

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You are absolutely right and chaotic behaviour is also an addiction. I think it is about wanting to feel something even if that is personally endangering... perhaps especially if it is.

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Not in jail, not in hospital, not in a grave. Thank you for another sober day! 💜💜

I am grateful and in recovery in St. Petersburg FL.

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Yes! Hearts and appreciation to you, Amy!

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Hi Dana, thank you for the invitation!

Just want to give a big shout out to Allison Taylor Conway https://dryhumorme.substack.com/p/how-do-you-talk-about-recovering

And Allison Deraney https://allisonderaney.substack.com/p/clearing-out-the-mental-debt

Both are inspiring voices in the sober world!

Also wanted to share my recent piece Meeting Pain with Love with sums up my approach to sobriety. Learning this was how I got sober and live my life every day https://ellienova.substack.com/p/meeting-pain-with-love

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Thanks so much for sharing these excellent pieces. I very much resonated with all of them. My interpretation of pain is "the Edge", as in 'taking the Edge off' when I used to drink. I wholeheartedly agree that meeting the pain/Edge in a spirit of curiosity, compassion and love (more easily done when sober) is the way to freedom and fully embracing life on life's terms. Thank you!

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Thank you for sharing and for being here, Ellie. I appreciate your writing and generous, wise presence in these sober circles!

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This piece was the first time I really dug into it as far as what my drinking looked like on the inside - how much brain space it occupied AND the freedom I’ve found on the other side. I was someone who functioned “quite well” on the outside while my insides were being hijacked and held hostage by alcohol.

https://open.substack.com/pub/allisonderaney/p/i-was-that-kind-of-drinker?r=rkt4u&utm_medium=ios

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Love this one, Allison! ❤️

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A short video/foreward about sobriety and how it's changed my life during these past 8+ years. I'm rooting for anyone and everyone in the same situation.

https://fromdre.com/p/a-foreward-about-sobriety

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Congrats on your 8+ years, Dre!

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I’ve been loving these links! Here’s my latest on my first sober vacation - the beauty and the rest of it. Greetings from Italy ❤️

https://open.substack.com/pub/atemperategentlewoman/p/clutching-coins-at-the-cabaret

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Wow - wanted to stop back after reading to say what a beautiful, resonate share. Although I’ll be five years sober in February, I don’t have a coin. Your telling has me planning to get one.

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This was a very honest portrayal of the difficulty of the first holiday. I am on my way home from a few days at the beach with a friend. I also experienced that low humming of 'something is missing'. That humming is my brain asking for alcohol and I need to be more careful than ever.

Much love x

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Just a gentle reminder to please not offer unsolicited advice in this space - but you’re more than welcome to share your own kindred experiences and offer words of care and support. ❤️

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Oh my bad, I will edit a little.

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No worries - thank you so much, and thank you for being here!

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Sober vacations are next level! You come home and actually do not need a vacation from your vacation. Go figure! 🙃

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Thank you for being here and for sharing - I adore your writing and look forward to reading this one. Congrats on your first sober vacation! ❤️

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I wrote this piece about making amends and overcoming resentments.

The Power of Lovingkindness: Releasing resentment and opening the heart to

giving and receiving love

https://open.substack.com/pub/rootandrise/p/lovingkindness?r=1o4zmh&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web

My newsletter is about yoga, but addiction, getting sober and living in recovery is a huge part of my story so I've written about it a lot.

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Thank you for sharing this piece. Carrying the burden of resentments has scorched a hole in my sense of peace- identifying this feeling of being entitled to my anger and unfortunately, wrathful towards my loved ones, has been so painful. A beautiful reminder (and great resources) for this practice of loving kindness. Thank you 🤍

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Thanks for sharing, Jenny. Yoga practice, lovingkindness practice, and sobriety are intertwined for me, too. And making amends and overcoming resentments is truly life changing.

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Dana, always here for you and for our sober Stack community. Thanks for continuing to carry the torch 🙏

Of them many sobriety-related essays I’ve written, this one generated a lot of engagement. I know you read it—here it is for the rest of y’all!

https://deerambeau.substack.com/p/its-about-wantnot-need

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Thank you, as always, for being here and for your voice and writing in the world, Dee. I appreciate you! 🙏

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Thanks for this space, Dana Leigh! I haven’t felt called to write about my sobriety, but I do write about unlearning stories and unhelpful beliefs. That was the doorway to my sobriety — realizing that I had beliefs about alcohol being normal, celebratory, inevitable. I had to unlearn those to stop drinking. But once I did, sobriety came quickly. Huh. Maybe I should write about that. 🙃

Here’s a piece I wrote last autumn about unlearning. https://open.substack.com/pub/usefulbeautiful/p/unlearning-stumbling-toward-a-happier

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I, too, had SO much unlearning to do about my beliefs about alcohol Kate. And I feel I am on a continuing journey to unlearn a lot about how to be in the world - how to treat myself with love, how to communicate compassionately with others. Thank you for being here and sharing.

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Love, love, love the topic and practice of unlearning, Kate. Thank you for sharing!

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Hello. I am in the California part of the world, the Sacramento area, specifically.

I write about all kinds of stuff, sometimes about recovery. I recently celebrated 20 years sober and wrote about that here: https://mkalthouse.medium.com/dos-equis-585eebb55167

#3 - maybe later after I get acclimated to Substack

#4 - of course.

#5 - see #3 (I have no idea what that means or how to do that).

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Hello and welcome, Michael! Heart-sourced congrats on your 20 years!

Here’s a Substack post on restacking - and the entire Help Center is great for anyone new to the platform: https://support.substack.com/hc/en-us/articles/14671398684308-What-is-a-restack-on-Substack-Notes

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I wrote about substance abuse as a maladaptive coping strategy for avoiding emotional distress. I’m also currently reading Matthew Perry’s devastating memoir.

https://open.substack.com/pub/dramberhull/p/what-killed-matthew-perry?r=zszex&utm_medium=ios

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Looking forward to reading!

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This is a piece of writing from back in the archives, when I first began my Substack. It's about how my relationship with yoga led to some unexpected changes in my life, one of which was quitting alcohol. It wasn't an overnight decision, but the more attuned I became to my body, the more I noticed I just didn't want those numbing effects.

https://drvickiconnop.substack.com/p/living-from-the-inside-out

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Thanks for writing this piece. It resonated with me, even though I used to do yoga slightly drunk or hungover regularly. Thankfully, I got sober and my practice was a huge part of the process, allowing me to trust myself, feel the impermanence of discomfort, and support of the universe. I get on the mat each morning, even if for just 5 mins. My dog expects it and things don't go well if I skip!

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Yes! I feel the same. If I miss my morning yoga practice, I just feel slightly out of kilter (and disembodied) all day. I'm glad it resonated with you Maria 😊

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Thanks for sharing this, Vicki - looking forward to reading. I think I went in the reverse direction in that quitting alcohol led to my becoming more embodied led to an evolving and ongoing relationship with yoga!

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Oh yes, that makes so much sense too Jane, they are definitely interconnected 😊

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Love this topic and place of exploration, Vicki. Thank you for sharing!

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What are the health ramifications of telling a lie? Our body, mind and spirit must receive some kind of hit when we say these things, right? And what about when we "just" tell ourselves a lie? This has been what I've been wondering about - and am presenting at a symposium in a few days - because I believe addiction is formed from and built upon lies. Layers of 'em. What's your take? Here's one of a couple of podcast episodes where I explore this topic. Cheers! https://randallyons.substack.com/p/addiction-and-the-qi-of-lies

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The body always knows! Thank you!

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Fascinating topic Randal. I shall circle back and have a listen 😊

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Thank you, Dr. Vicki. And so... a quick look at your page had me read, Dilemmas of an accidental immigrant. Wow-za, rich & powerful stuff. Especially as I'm in the midst of watching, Taste the Land, the story of Cambodian film-maker Kalyanee Mam's look at her own family's path of fleeing the Khmer Rouge. I highly recommend, if it so moves you.

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Oh thanks for the recommendation Randal, I'll look out for that, sounds intriguing. And thanks for stopping by my newsletter too 😊

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The body-mind-spirit feeling of telling a lie (or lying by omission) is the worst! For me, the overarching sensation is one of contraction and deep dread. And lying no doubt has consequences that extend far beyond the immediate feeling and moment.

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Ouch, yes, indeed...

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hi, i’m C from NC!

here’s a piece from last summer about taking better care of myself now that i don’t wash my meds down with alcohol

https://pinkheartemoji.substack.com/p/slippin-tumblin

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Hi, everyone! Thank you @Dana for this space! I’m from Denver, CO and here’s my latest. Relationships have been my biggest challenge in recovery . Here’s my latest:

https://open.substack.com/pub/thompsonk/p/god-and-sex?r=1fhxt&utm_medium=ios

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I read your essay, Kelly! So well done. I haven't dated in sobriety, but could identify with so much of it.

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Thank you! So glad it resonates. The journey to self trust and acceptance is an ongoing ride!

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As a recovered alcoholic, I know how hard it can be to overcome addiction and find freedom from drugs and alcohol. I am here to share my experience, strength, and hope with you and others who may be struggling.

Keep the Faith 😎

Terrystalnaker.Substack.com

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Thanks for sharing, Terry! I wasn’t aware of your publication, but just put it on the list for when I next update the SoberStack™ directory: https://danaleighlyons.substack.com/p/sober-substack-addiction-recovery-sobriety

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Thank you Dana, I've been following and reading you for a while now I so appreciate you keep the faith girl💕

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Much appreciation and many hearts to you, Terry!

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Thanks for posting and I love how expansive and inclusive this question is. I’ve written a series about changing my relationship to rest, and this piece is about the narrative “if I rest something bad will happen” https://folkweaver.substack.com/p/rest-iii

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I love your spot-on identification of the, "If I rest something bad will happen" voice, and then the curiosity - not judgement of it being bad - you bring to "changing my relationship" to rest. Awesomeness. Relationship inherently contains some responsibility and examination of where the healthy boundaries lie.

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Thank you for being here and sharing, Sara. Rest and easing up on hypervigilance is something that remains a place of challenge and practice for me - so interesting to think about it in terms of that narrative.

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Hi, I'm Mary from New York.

I recently published my book Whispers Of A Wayward Soul on Amazon. It's a great interactive tool focused on recovery. Below is the link. XO, Mary

https://a.co/d/cfDywyx

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What a fabulous book title Mary... you've got me intrigued, I shall go and look it up 😀

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Thank you!!

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Yay! Your book is out in the world, Mary! Heart-sourced congrats to you. ❤️

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Thank you so much Dana!

Thank you for all you do.

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When I struggle, one of the first things I look at are my current boundaries.

https://open.substack.com/pub/towardwellth/p/agency-development-starts-with-boundaries

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Gosh, yes, such an important topic. I look forward to reading 😊

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