Note added June 8, 2025: After publishing this letter and seeing some of the comments come in, I realized I feel very uncomfortable inviting theories about what’s happening with any specific individual. Please feel free to share your thoughts about what The Machine might be—but let’s hold off, from here on out, on speculating about any specific person (whom none of us actually knows). I’m sorry. I’ll speak more to this in the follow-up post coming later this week. Thank you. ❤️
Yikes, my God that's scary. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
You asked for theories!
To me, it sounds like the man has either psychosis or is stuck in some sort of trauma loop. There are accounts of people suffering in those ways that, rather than seek medical help, hide their condition (hence the denial) and get lost in pseudo cures that they make up for themselves (the thumping). Those rhythmic noises when applied in a clinical setting to a patient who is not suffering from psychosis, can be helpful. Think of tapping in EMDR trauma processing, for example. But if a psychotic person starts doing this on their own they can start believing the rhythms are the only thing keeping them alive, are a portal to other dimensions, are the sound of God healing them, and so on.
It's sad, but this sort of stuff goes on behind the closed doors of our neighbours more than we realise and, as you've seen, there's not much to be done about it. People who are sick like that are either going to let themselves be helped or not.
I worry for the mother, of course, but also theorise that she is probably there by choice, goes everywhere with him, enabling her son's illness and his hiding of it. As you might know, familial enablement is also common in things like addiction. There is shame around the illness. Family members will try to hide what they seen as an aberration, especially in certain cultures where psychosis is seen as evil/weakness.
You asked for a theory! My mind went into overdrive. Hope I haven't disturbed you more
Thank you for sharing, Siobhán. Whatever’s happening, it sure does speak to the always fascinating, often heartbreaking nature of the human experience.
Oh. My. Goodness. That is very disturbing Dana. I don't have any theories to offer, except to agree that yes, he sounds distressed/disturbed. And I do empathise with walking that tightrope between fear/self-protection versus compassion/shared humanity. I think we can hold both. In fact I think it's necessary to hold both. Our fear shouldn't close us down to another's suffering, but our compassion shouldn't leave us vulnerable to harm. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job of walking that middle line and holding both. Take care over there, I'm intrigued to hear what happens next...
Thank you, Vicki. It really is such a tightrope. But, like you, I think we can (and need to) hold both.
Last night was a bit of a doozy - I clocked the last scream coming in at 2:30 a.m. And yet, part of me can’t help but wonder whether, if I’d just made peace with the thumping from the outset, the screaming wouldn’t have started.
As I said to Randy this morning: I really don’t know what the right thing to do is here. And no doubt, if I weren’t afraid of this guy (and so sleep-deprived at this point), the “right thing” would probably be clearer. Ah, well... grist for the mill... making life interesting! ❤️
Screaming until 2:30am is extremely intense. That would certainly bring some stuff up! I wonder if it's worth recording it, so you have evidence should you need it? I guess perhaps Thailand doesn't have a noise control agency like we do here? Good luck, thinking of you x
Thank you, Vicki. The Machine makes a really regular, ongoing mechanical noise. But I do suspect that it’s for regulating distress/behaviour (because the screaming doesn’t happen unless the thumping is off).
The landlords’ housecleaner was here yesterday and got a recording. I just heard from them a few minutes ago, and they said they’d issued a formal complaint to him and that he was going to move downstairs, which hopefully will make nights a little more peaceful. The whole thing feels so shitty, honestly - including for him and his mom.
Once I shared a short term rental with another artist I had met in Santa Fe. We stayed together for close to a month in Seattle. At one point she disclosed to me that she screamed in her sleep due to a medication she had been prescribed. I am sooo thankful that the sound proofing in this apartment was sufficient to muffle screams. Needless to say, we never shared again.
I don't have any speculations, but I do feel for you and I hope it passes sooner than later. I loved reading your process through the stages of letter writing, observing how your feelings and thoughts shifted throughout the process—and of course, where you got to in the end (although I know it's not quite "the end" yet.
Sending you much love and patience along the way 😭❤️
Thank you, Kaitlyn. I think, yet again, that writing my way through it - and having thoughtful, listening, generous people like you receive that writing - already changes things in such a monumental way internally… which, of course, ripples into the external as well. This sums it up perfectly: 😭❤️ Lots of love to you!
Hey. Couple of things/... is there an AI that you can feed sound into ? Have you talked with the mum? could it be a dialysis machine or something to that effect ? is there a bank close by and he is digging a tunnel (through the apartment below ... this theory might not hold water now that I think about it). Is the mum an alien and he is CIA and interrogating them ? Is it a really bad attempt at becoming an EDM star? He is filming an experimental art film about the intersection of man and machine (but if he told you that you might figure out that he is Banksy stretching his artistic creativity).... He is a poet, the thumping is an old type printing press printing his chapbook that he will sell on the streets of New York when he returns, the screams are him just being a poet? He is a very tactile on line poker player, thumping the play of cards, and a bad one at that, screaming at his mounting losses ? I mean if it isn't one of the above.... call me stumped.
The way you write Dana is so beautiful. I feel like I’m there and this instance it sounds like a Silence of the Lambs moment. I feel scared with you. There is part compassion for whatever mental disease is happening within this person, but then there is the part of me that needs my sleep and feels helpless, wants to lash out. I close my eyes and breathe deeply hoping you, your husband and cats find as many peaceful moments during this bizarre way the universe is having its way. 🫂
Thank you so much, Josh. Honestly, writing really helped me move through this one. And, oh man, I hear you on sleep. I find it way harder to see and respond clearly when sleep deprivation is combined with fear. Hopefully tonight will be a little more peaceful. 🫂
Wow. Dana. I’m so sorry you are having to live with all of this right next door. I know, for me, everything is harder when I am tired. And I can’t imagine you feel rested.
I was so invested in this essay, where it was going and in your process of unraveling its effect on you. Thanks for letting us witness that here. I hope in placing it here, you feel a bit unburdened and held.
I can so appreciate feeling unhinged by the noise. I have such an auditory sensitivity so I get it.
I admire how after letting yourself unspool how it all was making you feel, you could find compassion for the human behind the harm. That’s some next level emotional sobriety superpower. One I don’t think I would have access to given the circumstances.
Sending deep care. I hope things subside for you and things feel more at ease. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much, Allison. Honestly, I have NOT felt emotionally sober during parts of this situation! 😅 Sleep deprivation sure does make showing up clearly and wisely so much harder.
Auditory sensitivity is such an issue for me, and it seems to get worse as I get older. Or, actually, maybe it just seems to have gotten worse after giving up alcohol - I definitely found (very temporary) relief by drinking wine with dinner.
In any case, I feel like I’m conscious of myriad layers with this one. And while I’m feeling kind of down about not handling it perfectly (or anything close to that), I also realize that this is part of how helpful shifts happen. And if I were still drinking I would have missed most of that.
It's beautiful to witness your shift in that - through your words. Thanks for bringing it here.
100% to the auditory sensitivity becoming so much more apparent in sobriety. That was my experience, too. I was (sometimes still am) almost shocked at how much it off sets me (too much noise, conversation, volume of voices, etc).
Holy….wow🤯 I commend your ability to find compassion & the humanness after going through those other stages. I am not emotionally sober or intelligent enough for that as my ego, fears & impatience still run the show too much when I am exhausted & angry. I like your hotel idea even if unplanned $$. Either way I hope the situation improves. Now I’m going to think all weekend about what that f’ing thumping could possibly be????? So weird. Sorry this is happening!!
Thanks, Chris! And trust: I don’t seem emotionally sober when in the midst of a meltdown - as Randy can absolutely attest. 😭
It really is weird. I even asked ChatGPT for its theories, but it seemed stumped and pushed me to focus on resolving the situation rather than solving the puzzle.
Although I’ve never heard of anything like this, I personally suspect the thumper is some sort of metronome for regulating his behaviour. The screaming never happens if the thumper is thumping. If so (and that’s pure speculation), I just wonder if it really needs to be thumping so loud in order to work!
Yeah I’m with Chris. I’m not emotionally involved enough to let it go on.y inclination would be to put a thumping on him. Not sure that would work out all that great for me, but it’s my first reaction—and we know what those are worth 🙄
Sorry your peace has been disrupted in this awful way my friend 🙏
Love that quote. It reminds me of something my teacher Gil Fronsdal says: "Very little is worth losing my calm over." Not because it isn’t important, but because we see much more clearly and act far more effectively when we’re coming from a place of calm. I’m not there a lot of the time... but always practicing with it!
I feel for your dislocation. But gosh what a fun mystery! Do you have a recording of the machine to share? What kind of beat is the rhythm? And the quality of the sound? Wooden? Metal? Plastic?
Such the mystery! Even when I was melting down, I kept asking: What the heck IS that? I need to know! It’s rhythmic and mechanical, with regular beats that seem to shift over time but tend to be five beats, pause, three beats, pause, etc.
Massage chair seems ridiculous in Thailand. How heavy does it sound? Is it moving on the floor? Is it hitting the wall? Any squeaks or shimmys? Sewing machine? Does he have visitors to that room? The land lords have been in there so it must be small enough to hide. Are there physical signs? Perhaps he has the worst white noise track in the world?
There seemed to be a visitor one night, although I’m not certain about that (could have been his mom). No squeaks or shimmys. The only sound of something heavy is the moving furniture. But the machine seems to move around, because it’s the worst when it’s right against the wall.
Amorphous self blame and shame. So familiar. And so hard not to believe as baseline 'truths.' I can't wait for Part II, which I just saw in my email :)
I really admire how you recognise this man’s pain without wanting to engage with it - that you recognise your own need for protection too. I’d say that I do have a long term practice seeing the other side of the situation (no one thinks they are a villain after all) but then I have a lot of guilt about whether I should be ‘helping’ which sometimes gets me into situations where I feel uncomfortable. I’ve recently ended up with several emotionally vulnerable people thinking I am a friend and expecting more of me than I have to give and me not really having capacity to deal with them and feeling bad about it. I like to say ‘yes’ to new situations/interactions but I need to get better at understanding how that impacts other people, I think.
Thank you, Jack. And you’re so right: no one thinks they’re a villain, and more than one thing can be (probably is) true.
I so hear you on walking that line - and I understand what you’re saying because my default pattern for most of my life has been to sacrifice my own boundaries and needs for the sake of giving too much... or giving in a way that led the other person to expect more than I was wanting to offer. It’s like moth to flame sometimes, I think. And the most extreme versions of this (decades ago) resulted in one stalker situation and a few that bordered on that.
I still have to consciously keep that dynamic in check, and I still find it hard - in part because my heart truly does go out to people; the compassion is real. But one thing that’s helped is to ask: what is it that I was getting out of assuming the role of "saviour," etc.? Usually, it was some version of feeling like I’m a good person, needed, good enough, worthy. Also, I want to be liked. And feeling liked helps me feel safer.
Huge recognition for how you’re bringing awareness to it all... I find this place of practice and change so rich and beautiful (but also so difficult!).
For me, I think I have a superstition coming from childhood that if I am not ‘good’ (aka put other people’s feelings before mine) there will be retribution: cosmic karma or maybe just divine wrath - I was brought up Catholic and my mum died when I was 10, both factors which helped give rise to this kind of thinking. I also feel like I am failing if I am not kind perhaps because being kind isn’t my default state but one I admire in others.
Still, one can only do the very best one can in any given situation and time. Fundamental, cellular acceptance of that is so hard, but I keep trying.
Whew, this is A LOT. I am sending you and R some good old Canadian love and prayers that this dude, his Mom and his thumper check out early. What a tricky situation.
Thank you, Donna. It’s been a wild couple of weeks, that’s for sure! It sure does bring a lot of internal stuff to the surface and gives me plenty to practice with. 😅 Sending love from Thailand. ❤️
This is a strange connection but I recently watched the movie, The Accountant, where Ben Affleck plays an autistic hitman. Ignore the hitman part. He treats his autism and desensitizes himself with very loud music and strobe lights. I have no idea if this is a real life treatment. But could your neighbor be treating his apparent mental illness with some kind of loud machine? I looked up machines and there is this one I linked to below. But this machine seems too big to hide and it also doesn't seem to be loud enough. It seems logical that your neighbor might be ashamed of any thumping device that he might be using to treat his mental illness.
Super interesting, Sherman. I’ll check it out. And yes, I suspect something like that is going on here. Honestly, since hitting publish on this, I’ve been questioning whether writing it was unintentionally shaming him. I’m working on a follow-up about that, which is coming soon.
My first thought was this movie too. I'm afraid I have nothing to contribute to your situation... I'm personally very easily affected by sounds even to certain music e.g. Indonesian gamelan. I would have to scoot out before I go nuts.
Oh Dana. That sounds terrifying. I think moving for a short period is the best solution for you and the fur children. I can add nothing to the discussion on what might be happening. We moved here ( Chiang MAI) in retirement 2 years ago, so completely understand your comment on the police. We are just down on Changklan Road if you ever need a sanity break . Sending positive thoughts your way 🙏
Thank you, Deborah. How cool to hear from someone else in Chiang Mai! We truly love it here (including our current location, which feels quite special), but we’re eager to explore options just outside of town - though not too far of a drive. Our current lease runs through August, so we’re considering various possibilities.
Wishing you a beautiful, steamy Chiang Mai morning. 🙏
Note added June 8, 2025: After publishing this letter and seeing some of the comments come in, I realized I feel very uncomfortable inviting theories about what’s happening with any specific individual. Please feel free to share your thoughts about what The Machine might be—but let’s hold off, from here on out, on speculating about any specific person (whom none of us actually knows). I’m sorry. I’ll speak more to this in the follow-up post coming later this week. Thank you. ❤️
Yikes, my God that's scary. I'm sorry you are having to go through this.
You asked for theories!
To me, it sounds like the man has either psychosis or is stuck in some sort of trauma loop. There are accounts of people suffering in those ways that, rather than seek medical help, hide their condition (hence the denial) and get lost in pseudo cures that they make up for themselves (the thumping). Those rhythmic noises when applied in a clinical setting to a patient who is not suffering from psychosis, can be helpful. Think of tapping in EMDR trauma processing, for example. But if a psychotic person starts doing this on their own they can start believing the rhythms are the only thing keeping them alive, are a portal to other dimensions, are the sound of God healing them, and so on.
It's sad, but this sort of stuff goes on behind the closed doors of our neighbours more than we realise and, as you've seen, there's not much to be done about it. People who are sick like that are either going to let themselves be helped or not.
I worry for the mother, of course, but also theorise that she is probably there by choice, goes everywhere with him, enabling her son's illness and his hiding of it. As you might know, familial enablement is also common in things like addiction. There is shame around the illness. Family members will try to hide what they seen as an aberration, especially in certain cultures where psychosis is seen as evil/weakness.
You asked for a theory! My mind went into overdrive. Hope I haven't disturbed you more
Thank you for sharing, Siobhán. Whatever’s happening, it sure does speak to the always fascinating, often heartbreaking nature of the human experience.
Siobhán, this makes a lot of sense to me!
Oh. My. Goodness. That is very disturbing Dana. I don't have any theories to offer, except to agree that yes, he sounds distressed/disturbed. And I do empathise with walking that tightrope between fear/self-protection versus compassion/shared humanity. I think we can hold both. In fact I think it's necessary to hold both. Our fear shouldn't close us down to another's suffering, but our compassion shouldn't leave us vulnerable to harm. It sounds like you're doing an amazing job of walking that middle line and holding both. Take care over there, I'm intrigued to hear what happens next...
Thank you, Vicki. It really is such a tightrope. But, like you, I think we can (and need to) hold both.
Last night was a bit of a doozy - I clocked the last scream coming in at 2:30 a.m. And yet, part of me can’t help but wonder whether, if I’d just made peace with the thumping from the outset, the screaming wouldn’t have started.
As I said to Randy this morning: I really don’t know what the right thing to do is here. And no doubt, if I weren’t afraid of this guy (and so sleep-deprived at this point), the “right thing” would probably be clearer. Ah, well... grist for the mill... making life interesting! ❤️
Screaming until 2:30am is extremely intense. That would certainly bring some stuff up! I wonder if it's worth recording it, so you have evidence should you need it? I guess perhaps Thailand doesn't have a noise control agency like we do here? Good luck, thinking of you x
Also, quick thought, he may be someone who headbangs to soothe his distress. It can be quite common with Autism etc... perhaps that is the thumping??
Thank you, Vicki. The Machine makes a really regular, ongoing mechanical noise. But I do suspect that it’s for regulating distress/behaviour (because the screaming doesn’t happen unless the thumping is off).
The landlords’ housecleaner was here yesterday and got a recording. I just heard from them a few minutes ago, and they said they’d issued a formal complaint to him and that he was going to move downstairs, which hopefully will make nights a little more peaceful. The whole thing feels so shitty, honestly - including for him and his mom.
Yes! Hard to imagine what they are living through... I hope it ease for you x
Once I shared a short term rental with another artist I had met in Santa Fe. We stayed together for close to a month in Seattle. At one point she disclosed to me that she screamed in her sleep due to a medication she had been prescribed. I am sooo thankful that the sound proofing in this apartment was sufficient to muffle screams. Needless to say, we never shared again.
Sound proofing sure does sound like a gift in that situation.
This sounds awful for everyone involved.
I don't have any speculations, but I do feel for you and I hope it passes sooner than later. I loved reading your process through the stages of letter writing, observing how your feelings and thoughts shifted throughout the process—and of course, where you got to in the end (although I know it's not quite "the end" yet.
Sending you much love and patience along the way 😭❤️
Thank you, Kaitlyn. I think, yet again, that writing my way through it - and having thoughtful, listening, generous people like you receive that writing - already changes things in such a monumental way internally… which, of course, ripples into the external as well. This sums it up perfectly: 😭❤️ Lots of love to you!
Hey. Couple of things/... is there an AI that you can feed sound into ? Have you talked with the mum? could it be a dialysis machine or something to that effect ? is there a bank close by and he is digging a tunnel (through the apartment below ... this theory might not hold water now that I think about it). Is the mum an alien and he is CIA and interrogating them ? Is it a really bad attempt at becoming an EDM star? He is filming an experimental art film about the intersection of man and machine (but if he told you that you might figure out that he is Banksy stretching his artistic creativity).... He is a poet, the thumping is an old type printing press printing his chapbook that he will sell on the streets of New York when he returns, the screams are him just being a poet? He is a very tactile on line poker player, thumping the play of cards, and a bad one at that, screaming at his mounting losses ? I mean if it isn't one of the above.... call me stumped.
Best theories yet, Chris! The poet and the printing press is my personal favorite. 😊
The way you write Dana is so beautiful. I feel like I’m there and this instance it sounds like a Silence of the Lambs moment. I feel scared with you. There is part compassion for whatever mental disease is happening within this person, but then there is the part of me that needs my sleep and feels helpless, wants to lash out. I close my eyes and breathe deeply hoping you, your husband and cats find as many peaceful moments during this bizarre way the universe is having its way. 🫂
Thank you so much, Josh. Honestly, writing really helped me move through this one. And, oh man, I hear you on sleep. I find it way harder to see and respond clearly when sleep deprivation is combined with fear. Hopefully tonight will be a little more peaceful. 🫂
Wow. Dana. I’m so sorry you are having to live with all of this right next door. I know, for me, everything is harder when I am tired. And I can’t imagine you feel rested.
I was so invested in this essay, where it was going and in your process of unraveling its effect on you. Thanks for letting us witness that here. I hope in placing it here, you feel a bit unburdened and held.
I can so appreciate feeling unhinged by the noise. I have such an auditory sensitivity so I get it.
I admire how after letting yourself unspool how it all was making you feel, you could find compassion for the human behind the harm. That’s some next level emotional sobriety superpower. One I don’t think I would have access to given the circumstances.
Sending deep care. I hope things subside for you and things feel more at ease. 🙏🏼
Thank you so much, Allison. Honestly, I have NOT felt emotionally sober during parts of this situation! 😅 Sleep deprivation sure does make showing up clearly and wisely so much harder.
Auditory sensitivity is such an issue for me, and it seems to get worse as I get older. Or, actually, maybe it just seems to have gotten worse after giving up alcohol - I definitely found (very temporary) relief by drinking wine with dinner.
In any case, I feel like I’m conscious of myriad layers with this one. And while I’m feeling kind of down about not handling it perfectly (or anything close to that), I also realize that this is part of how helpful shifts happen. And if I were still drinking I would have missed most of that.
Lots of love to you. 🙏🏼❤️
It's beautiful to witness your shift in that - through your words. Thanks for bringing it here.
100% to the auditory sensitivity becoming so much more apparent in sobriety. That was my experience, too. I was (sometimes still am) almost shocked at how much it off sets me (too much noise, conversation, volume of voices, etc).
Here's to peace and quiet finding you soon!
Holy….wow🤯 I commend your ability to find compassion & the humanness after going through those other stages. I am not emotionally sober or intelligent enough for that as my ego, fears & impatience still run the show too much when I am exhausted & angry. I like your hotel idea even if unplanned $$. Either way I hope the situation improves. Now I’m going to think all weekend about what that f’ing thumping could possibly be????? So weird. Sorry this is happening!!
Thanks, Chris! And trust: I don’t seem emotionally sober when in the midst of a meltdown - as Randy can absolutely attest. 😭
It really is weird. I even asked ChatGPT for its theories, but it seemed stumped and pushed me to focus on resolving the situation rather than solving the puzzle.
Although I’ve never heard of anything like this, I personally suspect the thumper is some sort of metronome for regulating his behaviour. The screaming never happens if the thumper is thumping. If so (and that’s pure speculation), I just wonder if it really needs to be thumping so loud in order to work!
Yeah I’m with Chris. I’m not emotionally involved enough to let it go on.y inclination would be to put a thumping on him. Not sure that would work out all that great for me, but it’s my first reaction—and we know what those are worth 🙄
Sorry your peace has been disrupted in this awful way my friend 🙏
Hahaha... oh boy do I know what those first reactions are like - a little too well! 🫣
Thank you, Dee. 🙏
"Put the peace of the heart
above everything."
-@Paul Kingsnorth
When I researched this quote, I realized it is probably based on this scripture:
“Keep and guard your heart with all vigilance and above all that you guard, for out of it flow the springs of life.”
Proverbs 4:23 AmpC
Further thoughts
Bose noise cancelling earphones
They work, I know
Might cost less than hotel
Love never fails 🌾
Love that quote. It reminds me of something my teacher Gil Fronsdal says: "Very little is worth losing my calm over." Not because it isn’t important, but because we see much more clearly and act far more effectively when we’re coming from a place of calm. I’m not there a lot of the time... but always practicing with it!
Ugh! Im impressed you can access compassion in this situation. Did you manage to bypass all revenge fantasies? Asking for a friend. 🤪
Thanks, Pamela. No revenge fantasies... although I did put quite a lot of oomph into banging the wall. 😅
How very evolved you are! I’m pretty sure Revenge Fantasizing is one of the primary steps of moving through the upset of a scary neighbor.
I feel for your dislocation. But gosh what a fun mystery! Do you have a recording of the machine to share? What kind of beat is the rhythm? And the quality of the sound? Wooden? Metal? Plastic?
Such the mystery! Even when I was melting down, I kept asking: What the heck IS that? I need to know! It’s rhythmic and mechanical, with regular beats that seem to shift over time but tend to be five beats, pause, three beats, pause, etc.
Massage chair seems ridiculous in Thailand. How heavy does it sound? Is it moving on the floor? Is it hitting the wall? Any squeaks or shimmys? Sewing machine? Does he have visitors to that room? The land lords have been in there so it must be small enough to hide. Are there physical signs? Perhaps he has the worst white noise track in the world?
There seemed to be a visitor one night, although I’m not certain about that (could have been his mom). No squeaks or shimmys. The only sound of something heavy is the moving furniture. But the machine seems to move around, because it’s the worst when it’s right against the wall.
Fascinating. Your inner Harriet the spy must be piqued!
Amorphous self blame and shame. So familiar. And so hard not to believe as baseline 'truths.' I can't wait for Part II, which I just saw in my email :)
So hard... sigh. Thanks for being here and reading along, Isabel. ❤️
I really admire how you recognise this man’s pain without wanting to engage with it - that you recognise your own need for protection too. I’d say that I do have a long term practice seeing the other side of the situation (no one thinks they are a villain after all) but then I have a lot of guilt about whether I should be ‘helping’ which sometimes gets me into situations where I feel uncomfortable. I’ve recently ended up with several emotionally vulnerable people thinking I am a friend and expecting more of me than I have to give and me not really having capacity to deal with them and feeling bad about it. I like to say ‘yes’ to new situations/interactions but I need to get better at understanding how that impacts other people, I think.
Thank you, Jack. And you’re so right: no one thinks they’re a villain, and more than one thing can be (probably is) true.
I so hear you on walking that line - and I understand what you’re saying because my default pattern for most of my life has been to sacrifice my own boundaries and needs for the sake of giving too much... or giving in a way that led the other person to expect more than I was wanting to offer. It’s like moth to flame sometimes, I think. And the most extreme versions of this (decades ago) resulted in one stalker situation and a few that bordered on that.
I still have to consciously keep that dynamic in check, and I still find it hard - in part because my heart truly does go out to people; the compassion is real. But one thing that’s helped is to ask: what is it that I was getting out of assuming the role of "saviour," etc.? Usually, it was some version of feeling like I’m a good person, needed, good enough, worthy. Also, I want to be liked. And feeling liked helps me feel safer.
Huge recognition for how you’re bringing awareness to it all... I find this place of practice and change so rich and beautiful (but also so difficult!).
For me, I think I have a superstition coming from childhood that if I am not ‘good’ (aka put other people’s feelings before mine) there will be retribution: cosmic karma or maybe just divine wrath - I was brought up Catholic and my mum died when I was 10, both factors which helped give rise to this kind of thinking. I also feel like I am failing if I am not kind perhaps because being kind isn’t my default state but one I admire in others.
Still, one can only do the very best one can in any given situation and time. Fundamental, cellular acceptance of that is so hard, but I keep trying.
❤️
Whew, this is A LOT. I am sending you and R some good old Canadian love and prayers that this dude, his Mom and his thumper check out early. What a tricky situation.
Thank you, Donna. It’s been a wild couple of weeks, that’s for sure! It sure does bring a lot of internal stuff to the surface and gives me plenty to practice with. 😅 Sending love from Thailand. ❤️
This is a strange connection but I recently watched the movie, The Accountant, where Ben Affleck plays an autistic hitman. Ignore the hitman part. He treats his autism and desensitizes himself with very loud music and strobe lights. I have no idea if this is a real life treatment. But could your neighbor be treating his apparent mental illness with some kind of loud machine? I looked up machines and there is this one I linked to below. But this machine seems too big to hide and it also doesn't seem to be loud enough. It seems logical that your neighbor might be ashamed of any thumping device that he might be using to treat his mental illness.
https://youtu.be/IRz8UAQ2mB0?si=nm-gLf98XhTKHwkj
Super interesting, Sherman. I’ll check it out. And yes, I suspect something like that is going on here. Honestly, since hitting publish on this, I’ve been questioning whether writing it was unintentionally shaming him. I’m working on a follow-up about that, which is coming soon.
My first thought was this movie too. I'm afraid I have nothing to contribute to your situation... I'm personally very easily affected by sounds even to certain music e.g. Indonesian gamelan. I would have to scoot out before I go nuts.
Oh Dana. That sounds terrifying. I think moving for a short period is the best solution for you and the fur children. I can add nothing to the discussion on what might be happening. We moved here ( Chiang MAI) in retirement 2 years ago, so completely understand your comment on the police. We are just down on Changklan Road if you ever need a sanity break . Sending positive thoughts your way 🙏
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Thank you, Deborah. How cool to hear from someone else in Chiang Mai! We truly love it here (including our current location, which feels quite special), but we’re eager to explore options just outside of town - though not too far of a drive. Our current lease runs through August, so we’re considering various possibilities.
Wishing you a beautiful, steamy Chiang Mai morning. 🙏