Sobriety Series: Should I break up with Substack Notes?

Thoughts on social media, an exercise to identify your core values, this month’s link-up of provocative listens and reads

Dec 18, 2024

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Dearest Reader,

Around this time last year, I quit Instagram for good. Those of you who’ve been following me a while know this was my last social media holdout and hangout (aside from Substack Notes), having already quit Facebook in 2020 and never joining the rest of it.

One of the biggest benefits of quitting Instagram was how much easier and more effortless it became to tune into my values and sense of what’s right: what’s right for my body, my mind, my spirit...even what’s right for my work and relationships. The more time I spent off social media, the more sure I became that this, too, was the right choice.

Enter Substack Notes. For a while, the vibe on Notes felt wholly different from what’s typical online (and what I’ve gone out of my way to avoid). Put simply: people were kinder, more respectful, and generally demonstrated an above-average level of emotional intelligence and capacity for civil discourse and even debate.

The past month or so, I’ve come to suspect those days are over.

Don’t get me wrong—I’m still enjoying wonderful conversations and connections on Notes. As with any social media platform, there are many, many people showing up beautifully in that space. You also have the option to mute and block others in order to curate a kinder, more civil feed (something I do several times daily).

It’s just that, since November, the vibe on Notes began feeling less kind and more akin to Facebook and Instagram. Nine times out of ten, it was like being in a crowded, cacophonous room full of competing demands and strident opinions. A place I’d once enjoyed now felt too loud, too combative, too urgent.

Yet I kept scrolling.

Surprisingly, despite this shift (or perhaps because of it?), I found myself scrolling more voraciously than ever. I did so even though mindless scrolling never leaves me feeling good and always diminishes both my sense of clarity and ease and my creative expression.

And it wasn’t just the increase in strident opinions that left me aching for quiet—it was the ALL of it. I am so tired of being “messaged at” online…and it feels inescapable on any forum where everyone (including myself!) is clamoring for views and engagement.

Choosing to spend time in this sort of environment never changes my mind, never convinces me “your” way is right, and never, ever leaves me easeful, grounded, clear, or effective. Rather, it leaves me scattered, anxious, less effective, and oftentimes angry. It leaves me feeling more disconnected from my body, my mind, my spirit, my practice, and what really matters.

So, am I breaking up with Notes?

Something I’ve been deeply conscious of this past month is that, in my offline, lived reality in a working-class neighborhood in Chiang Mai, my world is genuinely friendly, kind, and overflowing with beauty and goodness. Even with the morning roosters and lively sounds of my neighbors, I experience deep inner quiet.

It’s only when I go online that everything feels increasingly loud, alarmist, and hateful.

So, I’m asking myself: Why exactly do I spend time on Notes at all? Should I quit? Is this social platform just like the others?

Quite possibly, I will leave Notes eventually. But for now, these past few weeks, I’ve found a way to reduce my time there and minimize scrolling. The practice that made a real difference was this:

Each and every time I notice myself scrolling, I consciously tell myself: “Scrolling Notes makes you feel horrible; just do anything different that doesn’t make you feel horrible!”

So far, doing “anything different” has included getting massages and a haircut, checking out new-to-me coffee shops, picking up two additional Thai language classes a week, spending more time writing, and Zooming and emailing with loved ones.

When I do get on Notes, I keep my engagement intentional: I remember what I want to do (and don’t want to do) on the platform. In practice, this looks like:

Sharing my essays and inviting folks to read and comment.
Reading, commenting on, and sharing essays by others (which go straight to my Substack inbox, because I keep emails turned off).
Checking and responding to notifications.
Doing a brief (three-to-five-minute) scroll to engage with writers whose work I enjoy and want to support.
Interacting with kindred community through all the above.

If I find myself mindlessly scrolling, I get the hell out and do something different.

An Exercise in Connecting with Our Values

Helping me reduce my time on Notes is the practice of realigning with my values. I consider December the perfect time for this type of work anyway; it helps me stay grounded in what I consider true, essential, and useful in a sea of reactive urgency, shifting algorithms, and strident opinions.

Instead of scrolling Notes, instead of being bullied and shamed into standing for this thing or that, instead of being pressured to not speak about what I hold dear…

I’m choosing to support my mental, emotional, physical, and spiritual well-being, which helps me show up in more impactful, meaningful ways and strengthens my internal compass.

As I engage in this work, I’m learning from and deeply grateful for the following teachers:

Africa Brooke, whose podcast is one of my primary inspirations in this realm—including this episode, which inspired the values exercise below.
Gil Fronsdal, who’s been my primary teacher in spirituality, ethics, and life for more than two decades and who encourages us to cultivate an internal reference point for integrity and serenity—and to respond from there.

I love how both Gil and Africa teach that our ethics and values—the ones we truly embody and actually prioritize—are reflected in our daily actions, interactions, and lives.

Inspired by Africa’s podcast, I gave myself a loose constraint of choosing 5 words that best encapsulate my core values, as I experience them today:

Love
Integrity
Serenity
Freedom
Non-harming

As a writer with much to say, it’s hard to stop there! But I consider other values I hold dear to be folded into the above, including:

Generosity
Courage
Honesty
Self-accountability
Discipline
Health

Among those “corollary values,” generosity and courage are ones that I aspire to step into more fully and consciously in the year ahead. And I consider everything above to be contained within spiritual practice and connection to Nature and Source.

Psst: this has everything to do with sobriety.

In February 2020, feeling as though my life and actions were not fully aligned with the above values was the number 1 reason I decided to quit alcohol.

And whether you’re in the process of getting sober, or are examining your relationship with food and body, or are inspired to shift any unhelpful habits and patterns as we welcome the new year, defining your core values is a beautiful, powerful exercise.

I recommend really spending time with this offline, perhaps after a seated meditation, yoga practice, or walk outdoors.

What 5 words best encapsulate your core values, as you experience them today?
Is there a particular value that you aspire to step into more fully in the year ahead?
How does this align with or support your sobriety or other helpful shifts in body, mind, spirit?

I’d love to hear your responses to the exercise!

As always in this space, you’re invited to share your personal experience in the comments. (No unsolicited advice, spreading of hate and division, or political commentary, please.)

December Link-Up

Keep reading for this month’s link-up, featuring (always compelling, often provocative) explorations of:

How to practice with resentment, anger, and ill will
How to overcome the impulse to avoid what’s good for us
How our choices and stories can bend towards life or away
How to nourish and regulate our nervous systems naturally
How recovery doesn’t look the same for everyone—and there are many paths to getting and staying sober
How rushing harms us, others, and the planet
How a social media break can reset our mindset
Why it’s not our job to police others on the internet
And more!