I’m Staying (and Treating Myself) in Thailand
Life updates, committing to one holistic treatment a week, frustrating classroom dynamics, Thai soap operas
This is the latest of many personal dispatches on culture, healing, and spirituality from a dual Canadian-American living in Thailand. Find popular free essays here and access to the rest of Sober Soulful (including the Sobriety Series and Perfect Hunger) by upgrading here:
New Year’s blessings from Chiang Mai!
As you might recall, I began this monthly series last summer when we moved from Nova Scotia to Thailand. Instead of my usual essays, these posts are more the sort of email update I’d send friends and family—giving me an excuse to check in each month, share glimpses of everyday life, and provide a fuller, more contextualized sense of the person (me!) behind Sober Soulful.
Of course, this series might also interest those planning to travel or move to Southeast Asia (I just heard from a subscriber who’ll be swinging through Chiang Mai and wants to meet up!). I also have a not-so-hidden agenda to broaden perspectives beyond the American immediate and remind us all that the world is vast; countless versions of our life path are possible.
As for my own life path? Well… I can hardly believe we’ve been in Thailand for over six months—especially considering that moving here wasn’t part of the plan.
Overall, it’s going great! Our current house rental in Chiang Mai lasts through the end of May, though we might extend it through the summer. After that, we’re considering trying life in another part of Thailand—perhaps on an island. Those details are still to be determined, but either way, our intention is to settle in, create a home, and stay in Thailand long-term.
That said, there are a few areas where I’d like to make shifts in the year ahead. More on that below, including:
My resolution to ease up on must-be-productive mode by committing to one holistic medicine or self-care indulgence a week (because, in Chiang Mai, this is affordable and accessible).
How Thai language school is going (including some frustrating dynamics with classmates and feeling like I’m back in high school—quiet, studious, annoying, unpopular).
My newfound obsession with Thai soap operas (the first TV/streaming I’ve watched since 2019).
The sick person has only one wish.
As I’ve written about before, one of the most glorious aspects of living in Thailand is that we can finally rest easy from financial dread and afford excellent preventative care and healthcare. In truth, though, I haven’t been making the most of those resources.
Whether in Canada, Thailand, or anywhere else, discipline and routine are my primary tools for regulating my nervous system and reducing anxiety. I’m strongly drawn to—and find great comfort in—doing the same things at the same time, day in and day out. My routine includes the usual supportive practices I talk about most in this newsletter, like meditation, yoga, walks with my partner, and eating nourishing meals.
But what I’ve failed to mention up until now is that my routine also includes working seven days a week and never taking days off. I rise with the neighborhood roosters, go through my morning routine, then disappear into my laptop. While I’m not seeing Chinese Medicine patients here in Thailand, I have a robust lineup of freelance writing, along with creating this newsletter as part of my livelihood. And although I take a full hour for lunch and dedicate at least an hour to afternoon yoga, I’m otherwise hyper-focused, efficient, and productive from sunrise to sunset. On days when I attend Thai language school, I’m working on the ride there, on the ride back, and during our breaks.
And look: I love writing, I love the freedom of remote work, and I absolutely love that I can make my own schedule, easily carving out space for the practices and choices that nourish me. It’s taken decades—and serious burnout from working for other people and institutions—to manifest this setup. Not a day passes that I don’t feel tremendously grateful.
However, I don’t see “being busy” as a flex. I see it as a coping mechanism that I’m trying to shift (including by never describing myself or my days as “busy”). And based on the subtle messages my body’s been sending me—recurrence of past back pain, tension in my jaw, a persistent sense of urgency, and obsessive, intrusive thoughts—I sure could use more time not working. I could also use more time receiving.
My ideas for how to receive some support and nurturing include Chinese Medicine, osteopathic treatments, massage, dental cleanings, and probably many other services I haven’t even considered because: 1. I’m so used to not being able to afford any of it, and 2. I tend to feel guilty about taking “too much” time for myself, especially during my self-imposed work hours.
Even here in Thailand, I tend to wait until something goes wrong with my health before seeking external help (and even then, I handle it myself whenever possible). Truthfully, much of this comes down to deep-rooted fears around money and being accustomed to scarcity. But this pattern needs changing!
As cliché as it sounds, our time on Earth is too short and too precious to spend so much of it “being productive” to the detriment of physical and mental well-being. While physical caretaking is just one aspect of this, I consider it a major priority. It impacts not just my quality of life now, but also my quality of life in the future. To paraphrase one of my yoga teachers from long ago: The healthy person has one thousand wishes. The sick person has only one wish.
So, starting in late December, I committed to one healthcare or self-care indulgence each week and am encouraging my partner, Randy, to join me. We kicked things off with side-by-side foot massages—a treatment that focused on our feet, but you should’ve seen the bliss on our faces!
While such sessions aren’t a replacement for (nor as important as) the physical caretaking we do at home with our daily eating and lifestyle choices, they do make a difference at our ages (I turn 50 in March; he’s 62). Plus, we can absolutely afford it in Thailand, the options are abundant, and I’ve declared it a priority.
It’s also in alignment with my values and my practice of cultivating a hunger for what’s truly nourishing. (Psst: Perfect Hunger, my new bi-monthly series, is all about how we can learn to hunger for what truly nourishes us and is primarily focused on things you can do at home, on your own, with no external assistance required.)
I know my freelance writing will still get done ahead of schedule. I know this newsletter will still be written with love and care. I know this commitment to my health and receiving help will only make my work better.
Sometimes, it’s just a matter of putting a rule in place, committing to follow through, and channeling discipline through the lens of devotion.
Oh god, I’m that nerdy, annoying kid who knows all the answers again.
Speaking of schedule and life changes: I’ve added two extra Thai language classes, meaning I’m now attending in-person class for a total of eight hours each week. The teachers are great, I’m learning so much, and I’m both annoying as hell and deeply annoyed by my classmates.
These classes feel just like middle school… and high school… and just about every other school I’ve been at with the exception of grad school. You guys—nobody likes me! I’m such a bitch! (Short rant incoming, I’ll try not to shout.)